Donshik's Mind

Email to Representative Henry Waxman

2011-08-04T10:34:00.001-07:00

Mr. Waxman. Please go back to work. Leaving to go on a vacation in the midst of political, economic and social turmoil is not only wrong but also shows your complete and utter callousness. I would hope more from my elected officials that they would think less of themselves and more for the people who are getting screwed by the political grandstanding that is currently going on in DC. You and your compatriots are in your positions because the people of the United States voted for you. You work for us. And part of the perks for working for us are great health care and pensions that will not be effected by your decisions in congress. The rest of the country is not so lucky. So, consider yourself lucky, get off your ass and do what the American people need you to do: work for the well being of the people who voted you into office.

Start with the FAA. Resolve to find a solution that isn't politically or party-centric motivated. Then tackle closing the tax loop holes that allow multinational corporations the freedom to rape the American landscape and pay nothing for it. Close the tax loopholes that force the economy to rest solely on the backs of the people getting paid the least while those who have the most get richer and richer. Do your part, your sworn oath, to care for the district, state and country that you are a servant to. Take a stand and bring the others around you along. There is no real leadership in DC right now, just a bunch of children who want what they want and hold the rest of the country hostage for it.

Mr. Waxman, go back to work.

World Economy...

2011-07-24T15:16:00.000-07:00

Some thoughts as we head toward default...

2011-07-24T14:21:00.000-07:00

"We the People of the United States, in order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America."

Somewhere along the way this has been warped and, at times, forgotten. "provide a common defense" has been manipulated to mean "become imperialists and force our agenda on others." "Secure the Blessings of Liberty" has become a banner for putting religious fervor at the forefront when we're supposed to be a country that has separated church and state. And how could we possibly be securing "the blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity" if America is up to it's eyeballs in debt to China, Japan, Germany and the UK? The heyday of the American dream, when we were a great country that offered opportunity and freedom is, sadly, gone. Only, no one told us. In a few days America will no doubt default on it's debt. Why, because for 8 years we spent and spent and went to war spending more. Then, moments before that guy left office, he helped his buddies make a mint off the American people, opened tax loop holes and left the pieces to the new guy. The sins of the father have been wholesale blamed on the black guy. Sounds a bit like Atlanta 1969.

The Fox News pundits have been very vocal about how the new guy has been a detriment to the American People. Rich Conservatives with fundamentalist religious views decided to break off from the GOP and create a "grassroots movement" that would con the already education deprived in middle America into thinking they were one of them. Out of that movement we get Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachmann - two of the scariest people to hit the political scene in a very long time. [Michelle, last time I checked, your husband hasn't 'cured' gays, he's just thrown them into a deeper chasm of self hate and self lies].

Where is America gone? How have the Haves created such a rift between themselves and the Have-nots? Why are bank CEO's making more then the GDP of a third world country and paying next to no taxes when the Walmart worker making $22,000 (barely a living wage) is taxed on every penny? How is that right. These "job creators" as Fox News calls them - because it would be wrong to call them rich - haven't been doing their part to create jobs. Multinational corporations are taking over and they answer to no one. How much did Exxon Mobile make last year? 5 billion, 50 billion? They're drilling in America, they're selling their gasoline to American's but they don't pay taxes. Imagine what would happen if Pfizer, GlaxsoSmithKline, News Corp, Haliburton, Wal-Mart, Royal Dutch Shell, etc. paid taxes on their income from American citizens. We'd be in a completely different place, wouldn't we?

But why would they? Thanks a brilliant judgement by the Supreme Court, these companies now have the same rights as people and can do what they will when it comes to elections. Elections have already become "he who pays the most for advertising will most likely win" - thankfully that didn't occur in CA and Meg Whitman was defeated. Still, presidential elections are, unfortunately, popularity contests. Education being one of the first things to get cut when the conservatives are in power have left much of America far dumber then it should be. The No Child Left Behind campaign Bush attempted failed miserably! These are the people who decide elections. Check my blog for some time around the last presidential election, there's a video of a guy who wanted to vote Bush in for a third term. He didn't know presidents weren't allowed to serve more the 2 terms. This is elementary school learning we're talking about here. He was told Busch couldn't serve again and yet, he still wrote in a vote for Bush. You wonder why we're in the state we're in. But back to my point, Now that multinationals and major corporations can donate to their hearts desire we are going to be saddled with agenda puppets in power positions... wait, no. That's not true. We aren't going to be saddled with them, we already are.

I fear we are on an irreversible track moving to a complete collapse of everything we have known. We are certainly moving toward an economic one, that's for sure. And any American that doesn't think what happened in Greece can't happen here is sorely mistaken. Chaos, collapse, war, destruction, famine, water shortages, etc are commodities that pay big money. They belie the fundamental principles that America is based on, but, hey, those principles are outdated and need to be re-appraised. There's no money in taking care of the union, but their's big money in picking apart and selling it off piece by piece. We are no longer going to be the People of the United States, trying to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity. Instead we're going to be the people scrapping by wondering who's behind the large monitors that are telling us all which drug to take, when to take it and how much we are going to enjoy it.

Today I graduated from Graduate School with a Masters of Fine Arts Degree in Classical Acting. I hope to some higher power I am able to make a difference in the world somewhere because of this degree. I also hope to that same higher power that there is a world left for me to exact that influence and change. Boehner, Obama and any other politician out there embroiled in this mire of insanity, please get your heads out of your asses and do what's right for America. Don't look for the stop gap, make hard choices and raise taxes on those who have, for too long, skirted their civic duty. But save education, the arts and those things that enhance America. They are our future, not the next big gun, the next new drug or the helping out the rich who can no doubt help themselves.

It's in your hands. I wish it wasn't, but, alas, it is. Try not to fuck it up.

A little Ghost Story for Halloween...

2010-10-28T22:04:00.000-07:00

This story has been passed down from generation to generation – its actual origins are unknown. But the source that I founded it in states that it took place in London some time around 1563. A young boy living with his mother, stepfather and four sisters. The mother worked in the mill, the stepfather on the docks when he could get a job – so many people had moved to London that jobs were few and far between. When he wasn’t working the father spent most of his time in the local pub or sleeping off too much mead from the late nights before. In order to make more money the mother would steal bits of wool from the mill, hoping to amass enough to sell on the black market and get out of the hell they had been living in. Meals were scant and frequently rats would run off with the bits of food that the family didn’t eat fast enough.

This day was a typical day nothing out of the ordinary. Bells could be heard heralding the carting off of the most recent plague deaths – but those were far off in the distance. The nearest house closed up due to plague and guarded by the church was down by the docks. The young boy felt safe even though it was a dangerous time. He would play in the streets with his friends and do his best to avoid getting in trouble from the local clergy. But he was happy.

On this day while chasing a rat out of the eating area he found his mother’s trove of stolen wool. Delighted he began to roll about in it. The unprocessed wool was scratch, but still gave him great joy. After a bit of time he heard his sister return and quickly abandoned his new-found playground knowing he would get in trouble if anyone found out. It was his oldest sister that first noticed the boy scratching the back of his hand repeatedly. She thought nothing of it, perhaps just flea bites. Still she had an uneasy feeling and didn’t know why.

A day or two passed and the boy fell ill with a fever. The mother fearful of her boy’s life and praying that her son had not been afflicted, quickly checked his body to find small bulbous protrusions under his arms and in his groin. Not think, but reacting she collected all the money they family had and sought the services of a physician. Hours later a raven called out in the distance and a man looking like a towering bird entered the house followed by officers of the law. It loomed over the boy now frightened by the growing realization that something really bad was happening. The birdman examined the boy, prodding the exquisitely painful puss-filled buboes causing the boy to scream out in agony. There was only one answer. The boy was plague ridden and there was nothing that could be done.

The birdman left as quickly as he arrived. The mother tried to follow to beg some course of action to save her son, but was met by the officers who forced her back into the house. Immediately, boards were thrown against windows, nailing the night out. A beam was placed across the door baring exit. The family was trapped in the house with a young boy who would become their executioner. A guard was placed in front of the house which now had a red cross painted on the door and a notice stating “May the lord have mercy upon us.” But no mercy was to be found. The guard, being the lowest of the low class didn’t care about their well being. He took the little change they had left to be used for food for himself. As the boy’s wounds began to fester, turn black and slough off exposing his muscle and bones, the youngest daughter began to exhibit symptoms as well. It wasn’t long – perhaps a day or two – before the entire family was infected. Boboes would ripen and discharge large quantities of foul-smelling puss. The boy’s left foot rotted off right before he eventually succumbed to the disease. The stench was so terrifying the guard would leave them to ultimately starve to death.

After 2 weeks with no sounds coming from the sweet little boy’s house authorities entered in the middle of the night to cart the decomposing bodies off to a mass grave at the edge of London. Their bodies piled upon other dead bodies from the multitude of people in the neighborhood who had succumbed to the plague.

Shakeweight Hamlet

2010-10-19T15:30:00.001-07:00

The Reason we should all vote Republican in November

2010-10-06T16:29:00.000-07:00

Italians... expressive, aren't the?

2010-10-04T16:10:00.000-07:00

A Letter To Biblical Litteralists

2010-08-10T07:31:00.000-07:00

This was posted on Facebook by a good friend. It's so nice to see smart people using the justifications for hate to prove just how hypocritical the haters truly are.

In her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant
Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus
18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance.

The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, written by a US man,
and posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I
have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that
knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend
the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that
Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination ... End of
debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other
elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and
female, provided they are from neighboring nations. A friend of mine
claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you
clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in
Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair
price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her
period of Menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how
do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a
pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors.
They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus
35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated
to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an
abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than
homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there
'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I
have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading
glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room
here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair
around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.
19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes
me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two
different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments
made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also
tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go
to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them?
Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family
affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy
considerable expertise in such matters, so I'm confident you can help.
Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your adoring fan.

James M. Kauffman, Ed.D. Professor Emeritus,
Dept. Of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education
University of Virginia PS (It would be a damn shame if we couldn't own a
Canadian)

The genius of CNN

2010-06-09T16:44:00.001-07:00

Why education cutting is so dangerous

2010-06-09T14:03:00.000-07:00

Sad but true...

2010-06-05T13:40:00.001-07:00

Tortoise having sex with a shoe

2010-06-01T15:03:00.000-07:00

Absolutely Awesome.

The Group Think

2010-04-09T01:58:00.000-07:00

I can't say I've experienced enough to be an expert at anything. Hell, I doubt I've touched 1/100 of the possibilities afforded to me. If every decision is like a fork in the road then it stands to reason that whole lives have come and gone in the blink of an eye. But the road not taken is of little use and of even less interest to me - sorry Robert Frost. What's far more interesting is the analysis of the decisions that have been made; the closer examination of the roads taken. On the eve of making a possible life changing decision I look at some of the decisions that have lead me to organizations that offer a group think. Group Think being defined as the point where self determination is not as important as the safety and propagation of the group. It's seen most prominently in zealotous religious organizations. And, when you think of it, all religious organizations, to a degree, have this mechanism. It's the "my god is better then your god" or "the Yankees are better then the Red Sox." People get killed for this. People volunteer to die for this. Group Think steals a persons individuality while purporting self actualization.

I've been a part of more then one group that did this. No, I was never being primed to strap a bomb to my chest and blow up a building, but the gradual chipping away at my individuality was present. These were two very different groups. Each believed and professed to be the only real solution in their area - all others being the skewed or flat out wrong. I was surrounded by the lost and lonely as well as the seemingly strong and put together. You expect the lost and lonely to be there. They're the ones searching for some kind of answer or meaning or false deity to fall in line behind. But the strong ones, the intelligent ones, that baffled me - and later made me wonder which I truly was.

Each of these groups gave a very sound explanation of a simpler way to go about life and the activities they focused on. They basic tenants are spot on and work. In fact the basic tenants were far superior to all that I had experienced previously. That's how it begins. The truth they are selling works: it is in fact truth.

So, they got you. You're in. You're a believer. And once in the Group Think takes over. You're surrounded by people who think like you. Everyone is really very friendly. They, of course, can identify with what you're going through and be there to support you when everyone else in your life just doesn't understand. One day you realize the people you went to college with aren't really "supportive" and it's probably best you talk to them less. No one told you this out right. Instead it's mentioned in a casual way that you should look at the people around you and really take stock in who's there to help you and who's there to hinder you. This is where you begin to isolate and find yourself thinking in an us vs. them kind of way.

You get deeper and deeper into the new life you've "chosen." These people become your family and they are the only ones who truly get you. This would be when view points once thought preposterous become common place. Now, family is dangerous. Those who don't adhere to your beliefs will taint your belief system. Any thought or view point that is not dictated by the group is now considered frivolous and stupid. The person you once were in now a shell. Sure you look the same and you might even deal with the world around you in a more constructive manner, but you don't look at the world the same. It's now through someone else's eyes. It is at this point you cease to be you and you've adopted a dogma that you were not born with.

I never got that far with one of these groups, but I sure did with the other. Hell, I was promoting their agenda in lieu of and in spite of my own. I'll never get that time back and I'll never get the people I lost back - at least not fully. But I don't write this to elicit a "woe is me feel sorry for me" response. I write it as a cautionary tale.

Be warry of the groups you join. The moment they offer an inflexible dictum that sets them apart from everyone else either a) run, run like hell or b) tread lightly my friend because the devil is waiting just around the corner to take away your free will and make you his bitch.

The devil

2010-04-08T02:21:00.000-07:00

What's that saying?

"My dear brothers, never forget, when you hear the progress of enlightenment vaunted, that the devil's best trick is to persuade you that he doesn't exist!"

Yeah... I think that was the French poet Charles Baudelaire - or maybe it was Kevin Spacey - either way it fits. Sadly, I think I've seen the devil. Actually, I haven't just seen him I've spoken to him. But the "him" in this case is more a group. OK, maybe not a group as much as it's a political party. No, that's not quite right. Because a political party no doubt has a spectrum of view points. My devil is single minded, loud, conceited, entitled, rich, white, overbearing and just awful. I guess my devil makes up a sliver of this particular political party and because he's not in power, he's making a shit load of noise. Noise that isn't doing anything to help anyone but instead distract from the tasks at hand. My devil wishes to be back in the driver seat - or rather, in the puppet master's seat with his hands on the strings. He doesn't do anything constructive, he doesn't make anything of worth, he doesn't contribute to the forwarding of society. But boy, he sure thinks he does. Actually, he doesn't think it, he's positive he's the only one who can create anything of value - ironic, isn't it?

My devil is responsible for economic decline. My devil is responsible for the insistence of a right and wrong religious/moral life while spreading the most violent hate. My devil cuts funding to education and the arts making the future generations dumber and more malleable. My devil loves war and the propagation of bigotry to keep it going but never actually fights. My devil considers himself a patriot and a man of the world while undermining the basic tenants of the country he lives in and destroying his environment.

My devil does all this and more while living among us - well, not really among us because so few have the economic means to keep up with him - and we, in blissful ignorance, hand him the keys to our kingdom because we have been tricked into believing he doesn't exist.

Wake up people.

I can only support so far

2010-04-05T15:35:00.001-07:00

It's a horrible thing, war. The stress must be unbelievable - I say this without jest or sarcasm. I know I would never survive in a war zone and I have a huge amount of respect for the men and women who are able to take the actions necessary to defend our country and our way of life. This, however, does not excuse the imperial actions of the military leaders. This does not excuse the allowing of tensions to be fueled by racism and bigotry. When that happens war becomes sport with no one responsible for their actions. When that happens you get this:

The reality is we shouldn't be there. We must never forget that we entered this war based on a lie: the supposition of Weapons of Mass Destruction. There were none and yet we continue to persist. It's really not that hard to see that we entered the war to impose our way of thinking on a group that doesn't, and shouldn't, think the way we do. It's real easy to point and say "they" want to kill us and we need to prevent that. Before you can say that though, ask yourself this: "what did we do to bring this to our front door?" If you take the time you can easily trace it back to a few imperialistic Americans meddling where they were not wanted.

The people the Bushs run with have set into motion the ruining of our social order. Why? So they can get rich while the rest of us are left to deal with the mess.

My response to "Barack Obama's" thank you

2010-03-22T00:00:00.001-07:00

I get emails from Barack Obama. I know I don't actually get messages from him, but Organizing For America likes to send me messages from the president addressed to me so I kinda feel like Barack and I are tight.

Today I got a thank you from him. A thank you for supporting him and being a part of this historical Health-Care overhaul. But is it really a health-care overhaul? I will never profess to being completely in the know - hell, look at the name of my blog. I'm lucky if I glean bits of political information from the likes of Colbert and Stewart. Regardless, I work for conservatives and I hear their view point. Most of my friends are liberals so I hear their view point. Since I am, at times, a-political I take these differing viewpoints, put them into a blender in my head and spit out my thoughts on the world.

Tonight I felt the need to write to Barack Obama care of Organizing For America.

This is what I wrote:

I'm not sure I can say "You're welcome."

I am sure I won't get a response to this because Barack is not actually reading or answering these messages. Still, I'll proceed because I have to get this off my chest.

I am a Barack supporter. I think he is fighting an insurmountable fight against a nation that is complacent, a political system that is broken, a health care system that is skewed and a financial outlook that is so bleak it hurts to think about it. Still, I don't' believe this bill was the answer. Yes, it is important to overhaul the healthcare industry. This could have been a monumental first step. But the concessions to special interest groups and right-wing fundamentalists watered it down.

You want to really reform healthcare? Get rid of the insurance companies, or at least diminish their power. Reduce the profits and power of the pharmaceutical companies. But you can't. This is big business and if I'm not mistaken both heavily supported your campaign for presidency. I'm not saying you are in their back pocket, but too much money is to be made from these "industries" to allow you or congress or the House to really change the MO of the health-care industry. Both groups are bottom feeders who prey on the sick and the dying. They will continue to as long as they are allowed. And as long as they are allowed, doctors will not be able to really do their jobs and the sick will be prevented from fully recovering. There is more I could say on this, but I'm attempting to be brief.

Again, I am a supporter - one might even say a liberal - but I am not a fan of passing legislation for the sake of passing it. This is one of the situations where there needs to be a watchdog for the "free market" nature of the aforementioned industries. Government is there to take care of the citizen's of the land, but I don't feel that I am being taken care of when my freedom's are being stripped because of a person's religious values. The fact that there was even debates over whether or not abortion should be covered is ridiculous to me. Church and state are separate, right?

Here some things I think could really effect change in the US:

-- Prevent a group of conservatives in Texas from dictating what our children will be learning.

-- Pull us out of a was we cannot win and divert money to education - after all the only way we're going to get out of this recession is a new commodity the world can get behind and the only one's who are going to create that are the young. If we keep cutting education we care creating a nation of morons who will become more complacent and continue to listen to the rabble rousing of the Conservative Right.

-- Stop being the police of the world. Sadly, Iran is going to do what it's going to do regardless of our stand against them. If we stop being the police the rest of the world will have to step up. And when push comes to shove, they will.

-- Find a way to repeal the recent Supreme Court ruling that corporations have the same rights as individuals. That can only lead to big corporations buying their candidates for office. When that happens it will no longer be the land of the free and the home of the brave.

And most importantly:

-- Bring charges against the CEO's of the banks that lead to the demise of the financial situation. They should pay for their greed. Why they are being allowed to skate on this is beyond me.

I got more, but who am I, right?

I mean I'm not the guy who took on the mantle of an imperialist, plunging our country into a war that benefitted his friends and himself, creating a debt to China that can never be paid back and overseeing a congress that removed legislation ultimately leading to the destruction of the American financial system. If I were that guy I'd be a called a national hero.

I know you're trying, but government doesn't seem to really care about the individual. That makes me sad.

I will continue to be a supporter. I think you're probably one of the smartest presidents we've had. I just wish you had become president under better circumstances.

And wouldn't you know it I got an immediate response thanking me for contacting them (Organizing For America) and asking if I'd be interested in helping with their organization. It figures. I guess I'll have to send it to president@whitehouse.gov. I'm sure it'll go real far there too.

America, we are very very very very very very distanced from our leaders. We don't need a Health-Care overhaul as much as we need an overhaul of the senate and the house. I don't know what that overhaul would be other then a group not beholden to special interests and government contracts in their states.

We need to clean the corruption. But that might be hard because it's about as American as Apple Pie - note that one of the main ingredients is high fructose corn syrup. If you don't think the corn lobby has something to say, you are living in a hole.

This blog has moved

2010-03-18T13:47:00.001-07:00

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Bob Newhart is a freakin' genius

2010-02-28T22:14:00.000-08:00

Oh those wacky English...

2010-01-28T17:12:00.001-08:00

Just too funny not to post

2010-01-26T13:06:00.001-08:00

Unfortunately this is too true...

2009-12-07T12:36:00.001-08:00

http://theoatmeal.com/comics/design_hell

Reason #23 why the internet is sad

2009-10-26T14:44:00.000-07:00

Yes, I know I'm writing this on the internet and, therefore, propagating the inanity of your every day user. So be it.

Recently I was introduced to the viral video Drinking Out of Cups. I laughed my ass off; actually started to cry it was so funny. I was then told the story of how it came about. Some dude and his friends all dropped acid, this guy went into a closet and started talking to himself. The dude's friends tapped his ramblings. This audio file was then found by an animator who created the video.

That's the back story.

Thinking is was funny, I wanted to see what people were saying about it and if anyone had remixed it. That's when I came across a page that had this explanation - I've edited it to make a point:

Submitted by Dan Deacon's myspace bulletin (not verified) on Mon, 07/06/2009 - 1:09am.
the video for 'drinking out of cups' (2003 meetle mice) seems to be going viral again, this time in the comedy world. sara silverman posted it on her twitter and 'opie and anthony' discussed it on their radio show. there is an amazing amount of disinformation and completely wrong information about this piece and i just want to clear some things up.

in 2002 i recorded myself watching television with the sound off doing a character that was meant to embody long island culture (where i grew up).

1. I WAS NOT ON ACID WHILE MAKING THIS VIDEO

2. I WAS NOT LOCKED IN THE CLOSED AND BEING RECORDED

3. I RECORDED THE TRACK 100% SOBER

4. I USED THE TRACK A SCHOOL PROJECT AS A SOLO VOICE/TAPE PIECE

5. I HAVE NEVER DONE ACID, AND LIKE JEFF LEWIS, NO I DON'T WANT ANY ACID, THANK YOU

6. YES, THAT IS ME TALKING AND I WROTE THE PIECE

7. ITS A CHARACTER SATIRIZING LONG ISLAND STEREOTYPES

8. THE SONG CAME OUT IN 2003

9. THE VIDEO CAME OUT IN 2006

its really insane to me that i have been the subject of two separate viral videos that exist simultaneously inside and outside of my music career. the internet is a strange place. i don't really know how i feel about this kind of stuff. while my work is weird and some what "experimental" its not that weird or that "experimental" where it should cause so much confusion and bewilderment among the mainstream audiences that it comes across. but i guess thats what happens when anything is out of the immediate ordinary.

i guess i should just be glad so many people enjoy it. however, to have it be stated that i was on acid time and time again takes away from any of the creative process i put into the piece. i'm not sure i'm getting my point across but i am tired of writing this and need to get back to work on whartscape. love you all.

dan deacon

OK... Fine. The guy writes a statement on the origin of the piece. All good so far.

Now for the part that horrifies me: the responses to Dan's post. Understand, I don't care if he was on acid or not. But, having done my fair share of recording in the past, I do know this: if I were tripping balls and decided to record my friend who was sitting in a closet talking to himself I doubt I would have the focus necessary to get a recording device, set it up and successfully get a clean recording without atmospheric noise in the background. I'm just saying.

Oh, and the last one is my personal favorite. When you get there, realize this is the future of America talking here. This is what happens when you let conservative law makers cut education to make way for national defense. This is what happens when law makers of both sides act as the Haves while screwing the rest of the country creating an even greater divide between them and the Have Nots. This is what happens when we loose site of what the forefathers wanted for our country and Greed, Lies and Manipulation take the place of Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness. Perhaps a strong statement to make while talking about Drinking Out of Cups, but if this doesn't show the reality of what's out there, I don't know what else will. Enjoy the inanity of the internet population:

Here are the responses from the great common denominator known as the world wide webbers:

Submitted by Random Guest (not verified) on Fri, 07/17/2009 - 4:40pm.
you were defiantly on acid dude and obviously in a closet

Submitted by Random Guest (not verified) on Thu, 07/09/2009 - 12:04pm.
SHUT YER FACE!!! YOU WERE ON ACID

Submitted by Fadalisk (not verified) on Thu, 07/09/2009 - 10:40pm.
Dan Deacon was totally on acid when he wrote that comment.

Submitted by Random Guest (not verified) on Tue, 07/21/2009 - 3:24pm.
how can you say that "sometimes i prige i like to stilst" is something you say say sober? "i bet her fis it i bet abirgilist, barnd"? really? how can you not you be on drugs and say things like that?

Submitted by Random Guest (not verified) on Wed, 07/29/2009 - 2:56pm.
Just checked out the Wham City site. I am now totally convinced you were tripping when you made this. Nice try at covering your azz though.

Submitted by Random Guest (not verified) on Wed, 07/29/2009 - 3:44pm.
funniest thing ever. all you people who keep complaining, get over it. hes funny. if you dont like it, dont watch it. okay? I LOVE YOU DAN DEACON:)

Submitted by TJ (not verified) on Tue, 08/18/2009 - 8:23pm.
I just wanna know if there is more of it!

Submitted by Random Guest (not verified) on Tue, 09/01/2009 - 12:34am.
not once not never

Submitted by someone (not verified) on Tue, 10/13/2009 - 10:20pm.
poops and farts and poops and farts

the video:

Adam on Jericho

2009-04-25T07:21:00.001-07:00

The guy on Bass - one of the best in my opinion

2009-02-05T09:47:00.000-08:00

Just fun...

2009-01-28T17:03:00.001-08:00

I want to meet the Ad guys who came up with this one!

Funny funny shit.

2008-12-28T21:18:00.001-08:00

A Civil Rights Issue...

2008-11-15T07:36:00.000-08:00

This was sent to me by a dear friend. I did not write it but it speaks to why I whole heartedly disagree with the passing of Prop 8. This isn't a gay/straight issue, this is civil rights issue.

____________________________________________

This is the problem. The gay community does NOT share the same rights as other married couples. The list below is a sample of this gross misunderstanding. The civil rights we take for granted are not yet shared with our fellow Americans. We are not the land of the free yet, but we can be the home of the brave. We can continue to educate our friends and neighbors about this misunderstanding. Share this information with anyone that believes civil unions = marriage! This is not an issue of morality, opinion, or ownership of the definition of a word, it is the CIVIL RIGHTS ISSUE of this generation.

Question: What are the legal benefits of marriage?

With the denial of gay marriage, gay and lesbian couples are kept from more than just a ceremony and marriage certificate. There are many real legal and economic benefits of marriage that gays and lesbians are denied because they are not allowed to marry. What are the legal rights and benefits of marriage?

Answer: According to Lambda Legal Defense, more than 1,400 legal rights are conferred upon heterosexual married couples in the United States. By not being allowed to marry, gays and lesbians are denied these rights. Even in the state of Massachusetts, the only US state with legalized gay marriage, most of the benefits of marriage do not apply, because the Defense of Marriage Act states that the federal government only recognizes marriage as "a legal union of one man and one woman as husband and wife".

Here are some of the legal rights that married couples have and gays and lesbians are denied:

Joint parental rights of children
Joint adoption
Status as "next-of-kin" for hospital visits and medical decisions
Right to make a decision about the disposal of loved ones remains
Immigration and residency for partners from other countries
Crime victims recovery benefits
Domestic violence protection orders
Judicial protections and immunity
Automatic inheritance in the absence of a will
Public safety officers death benefits
Spousal veterans benefits
Social Security
Medicare
Joint filing of tax returns
Wrongful death benefits for surviving partner and children
Bereavement or sick leave to care for partner or children
Child support Joint Insurance Plans
Tax credits including: Child tax credit, Hope and lifetime learning credits
Deferred Compensation for pension and IRAs
Estate and gift tax benefits
Welfare and public assistance
Joint housing for elderly
Credit protection
Medical care for survivors and dependents of certain veterans

These are just a few of the 1400 state and federal benefits that gays and lesbians are denied by not being able to marry. Most of these benefits cannot be privately arranged or contracted for within the legal system. Of those that can be legally prepared, the cost is far more than the average $100 marriage licensing fee that grants these rights to heterosexual couples.

If you still hold firm to your definition of marriage, won't you at least join the fight for equal rights of all United States citizens?
"If you want to be free, there is but one way; it is to guarantee an equally full measure of liberty to all your neighbors. There is no other."
-Carl Schurz

Thank God someone is speaking up

2008-11-15T07:32:00.000-08:00

He's Back!

2008-11-12T16:05:00.001-08:00

How big is the Whale?

2008-11-12T16:00:00.000-08:00

Just Because.

Seriously? I'm actually sad because of this.

2008-11-12T15:59:00.001-08:00

History in the making

2008-11-05T12:32:00.000-08:00

Ron Howard, God Bless him...

2008-10-24T11:42:00.001-07:00

See more Ron Howard videos at Funny or Die

And another. Just spectacular.

2008-10-16T14:25:00.001-07:00

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

O'Reilly at his best!

2008-10-16T14:24:00.000-07:00

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Funny Shit from Letterman

2008-10-03T14:46:00.001-07:00

I think you know what to do...

2008-10-03T14:35:00.000-07:00

The Great Political Non Answer...

2008-09-26T15:40:00.000-07:00

Huh? How does Health Care reform, Job Creation and Trade have anything to do with the question that was asked?

And we want to position this woman close to the Presidency? Oh boy...

From the heart of America! I'm so sad.

2008-09-26T14:49:00.001-07:00

via videosift.com

Priceless

2008-09-22T13:09:00.000-07:00

It just gets better and better!

2008-09-22T12:53:00.000-07:00

Palin and the Kenyan witchhunter
Nominee linked electoral success to prayer of controversial pastor
http://timesonline.typepad.com/uselections/2008/09/palin-linked-el.html

===
Kenyan Witch Hunter Credited With Helping Palin Become Governor
http://naturalplane.blogspot.com/2008/09/kenyan-witch-hunter-credited-with.html

Witch Hunter that Prayed Palin into Office Returning to Wasilla!
http://www.politicalbase.com/profile/jnail/blog/&blogId=4084

Creepy Palin Witch Doctor Pastor Muthee Video:
VIDEO #2 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JsDfkAnCvKY

And this is the woman who could be president...

2008-09-22T12:50:00.001-07:00

Explosive New Video: Palin & Witch Doctor Pastor Prayed together....
Wasilla Assembly of God church....

Alaska governor believes in the power of a guy who believes that demons live in pythons, and witches cause traffic accidents. She believes that a Kenyan witch-hunter prayed her into office. Ladies and Gentlemen, behold the Republican candidate for Vice President of the United States of America, and tell me what that says about the Presidential candidate who nominated her.

Palin's own words:
"And I'm thinking, this guy's really bold, he doesn't even know what I'm going to do, he doesn't know what my plans are. And he's praying not "oh Lord if it be your will may she become governor," no, he just prayed for it. He said "Lord make a way and let her do this next step. And that's exactly what happened."

"So, again, very very powerful, coming from this church."

Pastor Thomas Muthee the Witch Doctor Pastor that Prayed Palin into Office is Coming Back to Wasilla!

Yes, you read that right. It really has gotten that absurd. I just had coffee with fellow blogger and Anchorage talk radio phenom Shannyn Moore. While we were fuming over the McCain hijacking of the Troopergate investigation, she got a call from MSNBC. They asked if she'd come on Keith Olbermann's show tonight to talk about 'the witch hunter'. The witch hunter, aka Pastor Muthee, was the guest pastor from Kenya that appeared at Palin's church, The Wasilla Assembly of God, and "prayed over"
Sarah to help her become governor.

"As I was mayor and Pastor Muthee was here and he was praying over me, and you know how he speaks and he's so bold. And he was praying "Lord make a way, Lord make a way."

Full Video/Story

Oy.

Palin bullshit no one is talking about

2008-09-22T12:47:00.000-07:00

An internal government document obtained by ABC News appears to contradict Sarah Palin's most recent explanation for why she fired her public safety chief, the move which prompted the now-contested state probe into "Troopergate."
!Palin Fired Monegan for what she Authorized!

You've no doubt heard that the terrorism prosecutor brought in to cover-up TrooperGate lied when he claimed that Walt Monegan was going "rogue" when he went to DC to try to secure funds to prosecute rape.
MUST SEE PROOF: http://www.abcnews.go.com/print?id=5844710

TrooperGate: Count the Conflicts of Interest....
McCain's Sugar Momma paying his troopergate bill.....Palin Busted with hands in Cookie Jar,
Sarah Palin's Evolving Excuses for Firing Walt Monegan?

ABC NEWS Exclusive: New Doubts Over Palin's Troopergate Claims
Internal Government Document Contradicts Sarah Palin, Campaign
http://www.abcnews.go.com/print?id=5844710

Please take 3 seconds to vote

2008-09-22T12:44:00.000-07:00

Please take about three seconds on this link to weigh in at this well-known PBS site of NOW, with David Brancaccio: Is Palin Qualified to Lead.

Please vote..... At this time, to my horror, the Palin-supporters are winning. That's because they are organized and participate. Let's turn this around..... You don't have to give your name or email address in order to vote. It's very simple.

Here's the link:

VOTE HERE

I'm a little confused. Let me see if I have this straight.....

2008-09-19T08:21:00.000-07:00

If you grow up in Hawaii , raised by your grandparents, you're 'exotic, different.' Grow up in Alaska eating mooseburgers, a quintessential American story.

If your name is Barack you're a radical, unpatriotic Muslim. Name your kids Willow , Trig and Track, you're a maverick.

Graduate from Harvard law School and you are unstable. Attend 5 different small colleges before graduating, you're well grounded.

If you spend 3 years as a brilliant community organizer, become the first black President of the Harvard Law Review, create a voter registration drive that registers 150,000 new voters, spend 12 years as a Constitutional Law professor, spend 8 years as a State Senator representing a district with over 750,000 people, become chairman of the state Senate's Health and Human Services committee, spend 4 years in the United States Senate representing a state of 13 million people while sponsoring 131 bills and serving on the Foreign Affairs, Environment and Public Works and Veteran's Affairs committees, you don't have any real leadership experience.

If your total resume is: local weather woman, 4 years on the city council and 6 years as the mayor of a town with less than 7,000 people, 20 months as the governor of a state with only 650,000 people, then you're qualified to become the country's second highest ranking executive.

If you have been married to the same woman for 19 years while raising 2 beautiful daughters, all within Protestant churches, you're not a real Christian.

If you cheated on your first wife with a rich heiress, and left your disfigured wife and married the heiress the next month, you're a Christian.

If you teach responsible, age appropriate sex education, including the proper use of birth control, you are eroding the fiber of society.

If , while governor, you staunchly advocate abstinence only, with no other option in sex education in your state's school system while your unwed teen daughter ends up pregnant , you're very responsible.

If your wife is a Harvard graduate lawyer who gave up a position in a prestigious law firm to work for the betterment of her inner city community, then gave that up to raise a family, your family's values don't represent America's.

If you're husband is nicknamed 'First Dude', with at least one DWI conviction and no college education, who didn't register to vote until age 25 and once was a member of a group that advocated the secession of Alaska from the USA , your family is extremely admirable.

OK, much clearer now.

This is Your Nation on White Privilege

2008-09-19T08:18:00.001-07:00

This is Your Nation on White Privilege
By Tim Wise
9/13/08

For those who still can't grasp the concept of white privilege, or who are looking for some easy-to-understand examples of it, perhaps this list will help.

White privilege is when you can get pregnant at seventeen like Bristol Palin and everyone is quick to insist that your life and that of your family is a personal matter, and that no one has a right to judge you or your parents, because 'every family has challenges,' even as black and Latino families with similar 'challenges' are regularly typified as irresponsible, pathological and arbiters of social decay.

White privilege is when you can call yourself a 'fuckin' redneck,' like Bristol Palin's boyfriend does, and talk about how if anyone messes with you, you'll 'kick their fuckin' ass,' and talk about how you like to 'shoot shit' for fun, and still be viewed as a responsible, all-American boy (and a great son-in-law to be) rather than a thug.

White privilege is when you can attend four different colleges in six years like Sarah Palin did (one of which you basically failed out of, then returned to after making up some coursework at a community college), and no one questions your intelligence or commitment to achievement, whereas a person of color who did this would be viewed as unfit for college, and probably someone who only got in in the first place because of affirmative action.

White privilege is when you can claim that being mayor of a town smaller than most medium-sized colleges, and then Governor of a state with about the same number of people as the lower fifth of the island of Manhattan, makes you ready to potentially be president, and people don't all piss on themselves with laughter, while being a black U.S. Senator, two-term state Senator, and constitutional law scholar, means you're 'untested.'

White privilege is being able to say that you support the words 'under God' in the pledge of allegiance because 'if it was good enough for the founding fathers, it's good enough for me,' and not be immediately disqualified from holding office--since, after all, the pledge was written in the late 1800s and the 'under God' part wasn't added until the 1950s--while if you're black and believe in reading accused criminals and terrorists their rights (because the Constitution, which you used to teach at a prestigious law school, requires it), you are a dangerous and mushy liberal who isn't fit to safeguard American institutions.

White privilege is being able to be a gun enthusiast and not make people immediately scared of you.

White privilege is being able to have a husband who was a member of an extremist political party that wants your state to secede from the Union, and whose motto is 'Alaska first,' and no one questions your patriotism or that of your family, while if you're black and your spouse merely fails to come to a 9/11 memorial so she can be home with her kids on the first day of school, people immediately think she's being disrespectful.

White privilege is being able to make fun of community organizers and the work they do--like, among other things, fight for the right of women to vote, or for civil rights, or the 8-hour workday, or an end to child labor--and people think you're being pithy and tough, but if you merely question the experience of a small town mayor and 18-month governor with no foreign policy expertise beyond a class she took in college and the fact that she lives close to Russia--you're somehow being mean, or even sexist.

White privilege is being able to convince white women who don't even agree with you on any substantive issue to vote for you and your running mate anyway, because suddenly your presence on the ticket has inspired confidence in these same white women, and made them give your party a 'second look.'

White privilege is being able to fire people who didn't support your political campaigns and not be accused of abusing your power or being a typical politician who engages in favoritism, while being black and merely knowing some folks from the old-line political machines in Chicago means you must be corrupt.

White privilege is when you can take nearly twenty-four hours to get to a hospital after beginning to leak amniotic fluid, and still be viewed as a great mom whose commitment to her children is unquestionable, and whose 'next door neighbor' qualities make her ready to be VP, while if you're a black candidate for president and you let your children be interviewed for a few seconds on TV, you're irresponsibly exploiting them.

White privilege is being able to give a 36 minute speech in which you talk about lipstick and make fun of your opponent, while laying out no substantive policy positions on any issue at all, and still manage to be considered a legitimate candidate, while a black person who gives an hour speech the week before, in which he lays out specific policy proposals on several issues, is still criticized for being too vague about what he would do if elected.

White privilege is being able to attend churches over the years whose pastors say that people who voted for John Kerry or merely criticize George W. Bush are going to hell, and that the U.S. is an explicitly Christian nation and the job of Christians is to bring Christian theological principles into government, and who bring in speakers who say the conflict in the Middle East is God's punishment on Jews for rejecting Jesus, and everyone can still think you're just a good church-going Christian, but if you're black and friends with a black pastor who has noted (as have Colin Powell and the U.S. Department of Defense) that terrorist attacks are often the result of U.S. foreign policy and who talks about the history of racism and its effect on black people, you're an extremist who probably hates America.

White privilege is not knowing what the Bush Doctrine is when asked by a reporter, and then people get angry at the reporter for asking you such a 'trick question,' while being black and merely refusing to give one-word answers to the queries of Bill O'Reilly means you're dodging the question, or trying to seem overly intellectual and nuanced.

White privilege is being able to go to a prestigious prep school, then to Yale and then Harvard Business school, and yet, still be seen as just an average guy (George W. Bush) while being black, going to a prestigious prep school, then Occidental College, then Columbia, and then to Harvard Law, makes you 'uppity,' and a snob who probably looks down on regular folks.

White privilege is being able to graduate near the bottom of your college class (McCain), or graduate with a C average from Yale (W.) and that's OK, and you're cut out to be president, but if you're black and you graduate near the top of your class from Harvard Law, you can't be trusted to make good decisions in office.

White privilege is being able to dump your first wife after she's disfigured in a car crash so you can take up with a multi-millionaire beauty queen (who you go on to call the c-word in public) and still be thought of as a man of strong family values, while if you're black and married for nearly twenty years to the same woman, your family is viewed as un-American and your gestures of affection for each other are called 'terrorist fist bumps.'

White privilege is when you can develop a pain-killer addiction, having obtained your drug of choice illegally like Cindy McCain, go on to beat that addiction, and everyone praises you for being so strong, while being a black guy who smoked pot a few times in college and never became an addict means people will wonder if perhaps you still get high, and even ask whether or not you ever sold drugs.

White privilege is being able to sing a song about bombing Iran and still be viewed as a sober and rational statesman, with the maturity to be president, while being black and suggesting that the U.S. should speak with other nations, even when we have disagreements with them, makes you 'dangerously naive and immature.'

White privilege is being able to claim your experience as a POW has anything at all to do with your fitness for president, while being black and experiencing racism and an absent father is apparently among the 'lesser adversities' faced by other politicians, as Sarah Palin explained in her convention speech.

And finally, white privilege is the only thing that could possibly allow someone to become president when he has voted with George W. Bush 90 percent of the time, even as unemployment is skyrocketing, people are losing their homes, inflation is rising, and the U.S. is increasingly isolated from world opinion, just because a lot of white voters aren't sure about that whole 'change' thing. Ya know, it's just too vague and ill-defined, unlike, say, four more years of the same, which is very concrete and certain.

White privilege is, in short, the problem.

Hockey Moms Unite!

2008-09-16T13:44:00.000-07:00

Ah... SNL done right!

2008-09-15T11:07:00.000-07:00

SPHC
Uploaded by Hishighness

Sarah Palin and the right to kill things...

2008-09-11T20:51:00.000-07:00

Sent from a person dear to me...

Read it, watch the video and then make up your own mind. All that matters is you get informed and make decisions from there. Anything else is being a sheep.

__________________________________________

Forgive me, as I am not typically the kind of person that posts these sort of political messages. Generally I am too cynical to give to much consideration to such things. But this issue in particular struck an emotional chord in me, and for once I actually feel a moral obligation to make this issue known. The issue to is that of Sarah Palin, and her endorsement of the aerial hunting of the Alaskan Timberwolf. Now, I'll preclude this by stating that I understand, given all the problems facing the United States and it's citizens right now, that this may seem a bit of a trifle. And, granted you may have a point. Yet, at the same time I feel that this trifling may point to a much greater character flaw in an individual that, by some mystifying political travesty, could inherit the mantle of Leader of the Free World, and essentially become the most powerful person on earth. So please, hear me out. In case you're already over reading this (I don't blame you), I've included a video I found on youtube which gives some basic background on what I'm referring to, but I'll provide you some of my general thoughts as well. The concept behind aerial hunting is very simple: Hunting animals is hard. Especially when that animal you're looking to bag is particularly quick and clever. Such is the case with the Alaskan Timberwolf. So the question is, how do we level the playing field? Eureka! We simply chase down these animals in airplanes and helicopters, and rain down fire from the sky with high powered shot guns. Death from above!

Now, I know what you're thinking, shooting a wolf from a plane as it runs in terror from you still sounds like a bit of a challenge. As it turns out, not so much. Certainly getting a one shot kill while airborne is a bit of a task, fortunately though, it is not too difficult to at least wound a fleeing wolf with buck shot, and then chase it down until it collapses from exhaustion. At that point, one needs only to land the plane, and blow the pooch away at point blank range. (Sadly, I'm not making this up.) Now, if you're not yet seeing a problem with this, then you're already lost to me. The fact of the matter is, even most hunters see this practice as unsportsmanlike and immoral. This is why the practice was federally outlawed in the 80's. Yet through a legal loophole, Sarah Palin has brought aerial hunting back to Alaska. In fact, not only has she brought it back, but she has provided the planes and the pilots for the hunters, and is offering $150 cash for every left paw a hunter brings to the state. (I assume it's to balance her collection of right paws). Now one might wonder why a state governor, would allocate state money and resources for this (I'm just going to go ahead and call it what it is) f*cked up practice, while slashing funding for programs which support unwed teenage mothers? The reasons are quite simple. By killing timber wolves, you are eliminating the natural predators of wild elk and moose. Thus, when you kill enough of the wolves, the elk and moose overpopulate, and there is far more game come hunting season. So essentially, the underlying idea is that you slaughter these animals so later you can slaughter more animals... And as it turns out, unwed teenage girls are not Sarah Palin's problem. So there you have it. Nothing personal against Sarah Palin. I know that she is an awesome "Hockey Mom", was mayor of Lego Land, and would make a fantastic Leader of the Free World. But at the same time, I don't know why, I'm just a tad apprehensive. It must be the elitist in me

Here's one I liked...

2008-09-11T20:46:00.000-07:00

I got this from a friend. Don't know where it came from, but I don't really care - I like what it says...

Apologies for the mass email… but I can't stomach the misinformation campaign that's now underway in the election. It feels a little too much like the last eight years.

We all know how successful the outright lies have been for W, so it's not a surprise that it's the go-to strategy for McCain/Palin… what's astonishing is that people seem to be buying it, again.

So there's the standard… if you repeat it often enough, it might just work. In an effort to help out my busy friends/family, I wanted to send along some facts the Associated Press put together after the Republican Convention last week.

It's completely non-biased… so before that I'll add a little bit of my own commentary not covered by the AP.

Environment

In addition to the uplifting chant of "drill it, drill it, drill it"… we learned that Republicans want energy independence that includes wind & solar… Oh really? Republicans did everything they could to defeat a recent bill supporting temporary tax breaks for wind & solar energy development. Senator Voinovich from Ohio had the audacity to vote against this bill when the leading wind manufacture is based in Ohio. I doubt a Texas senator has ever voted against an oil tax credit. That wind company is now planning to open up a new factory in Germany (where they'll receive tax breaks) and move their 300+ high paid engineering jobs to.

Choice

I guess choice is ok for Sarah Palin's 17 year old daughter (Palin said: "it was Bristol's choice"), when she is deciding to keep her child… but Choice is not an option for anyone else (even if you've been raped).

Gender Bias

Why is Hilary Clinton a whiner, but Sarah Palin a victim? Can you really have it both ways?

I could rant on some more… but I won't. Hopefully, someone will think to ask Palin at her first press conference or debate, the question of why she said so many patently untrue things to the entire country in her speech.

Fact-checking from the Associated Press:

FORMER MASSACHUSETTS GOV. MITT ROMNEY: "We need change, all right — change from a liberal Washington to a conservative Washington! We have a prescription for every American who wants change in Washington — throw out the big-government liberals, and elect John McCain and Sarah Palin."

THE FACTS: A Back-to-the-Future moment. George W. Bush, a conservative Republican, has been president for nearly eight years. And until last year, Republicans controlled Congress. Only since January 2007 have Democrats have been in charge of the House and Senate.

PALIN: "There is much to like and admire about our opponent. But listening to him speak, it's easy to forget that this is a man who has authored two memoirs but not a single major law or reform — not even in the state senate."

THE FACTS: Look at Obama's State Senate legislative record here. And his US Senate record here . At last count, sponsorship of 820 laws in Illinois, and authorship of 152 bills and co-sponsorship of 427 in Washington.

Obama doesn't have the same record as compared to McCain and his two decades in the Senate. But he has done much in a short period of time. He has worked with Republicans to pass legislation that expanded efforts to intercept illegal shipments of weapons of mass destruction and to help destroy conventional weapons stockpiles. The legislation became law last year. To demean that accomplishment would be to also demean the work of Republican Sen. Richard Lugar of Indiana, a respected foreign policy voice in the Senate. The 2007 Ethics Reform bill alone cannot be dismissed as simply non-existent. It has been described by many as the most sweeping package of its kind since Watergate. In Illinois, he was the leader on two big, contentious measures in Illinois: studying racial profiling by police and requiring recordings of interrogations in potential death penalty cases.

PALIN: "I have protected the taxpayers by vetoing wasteful spending ... and championed reform to end the abuses of earmark spending by Congress. I told the Congress 'thanks but no thanks' for that Bridge to Nowhere."

THE FACTS: As mayor of Wasilla, Palin hired a lobbyist and traveled to Washington annually to support earmarks for the town totaling $27 million. In her two years as governor, Alaska has requested nearly $750 million in special federal spending, by far the largest per-capita request in the nation. While Palin notes she rejected plans to build a $398 million bridge from Ketchikan to an island with 50 residents and an airport, that opposition came only after the plan was ridiculed nationally as a "bridge to nowhere."

PALIN: "The Democratic nominee for president supports plans to raise income taxes, raise payroll taxes, raise investment income taxes, raise the death tax, raise business taxes, and increase the tax burden on the American people by hundreds of billions of dollars."

THE FACTS: The Tax Policy Center, a think tank run jointly by the Brookings Institution and the Urban Institute, concluded that Obama's plan would increase after-tax income for middle-income taxpayers by about 5 percent by 2012, or nearly $2,200 annually. McCain's plan, which cuts taxes across all income levels, would raise after tax-income for middle-income taxpayers by 3 percent, the center concluded.

Obama would provide $80 billion in tax breaks, mainly for poor workers and the elderly, including tripling the Earned Income Tax Credit for minimum-wage workers and higher credits for larger families.

He also would raise income taxes, capital gains and dividend taxes on the wealthiest. He would raise payroll taxes on taxpayers with incomes above $250,000, and he would raise corporate taxes. Small businesses that make more than $250,000 a year would see taxes rise.

MCCAIN: "She's been governor of our largest state, in charge of 20 percent of America's energy supply ... She's responsible for 20 percent of the nation's energy supply. I'm entertained by the comparison and I hope we can keep making that comparison that running a political campaign is somehow comparable to being the executive of the largest state in America," he said in an interview with ABC News' Charles Gibson.

THE FACTS: McCain's phrasing exaggerates both claims. Palin is governor of a state that ranks second nationally in crude oil production, but she's no more "responsible" for that resource than President Bush was when he was governor of Texas, another oil-producing state. In fact, her primary power is the ability to tax oil, which she did in concert with the Alaska Legislature. And where Alaska is the largest state in America, McCain could as easily have called it the 47th largest state — by population.

MCCAIN: "She's the commander of the Alaska National Guard. ... She has been in charge, and she has had national security as one of her primary responsibilities," he said on ABC.

THE FACTS: While governors are in charge of their state guard units, that authority ends whenever those units are called to actual military service. When guard units are deployed to Iraq or Afghanistan, for example, they assume those duties under "federal status," which means they report to the Defense Department, not their governors. Alaska's national guard units have a total of about 4,200 personnel, among the smallest of state guard organizations.

FORMER ARKANSAS GOV. MIKE HUCKABEE: Palin "got more votes running for mayor of Wasilla, Alaska than Joe Biden got running for president of the United States."

THE FACTS: A whopper. Palin got 616 votes in the 1996 mayor's election, and got 909 in her 1999 re-election race, for a total of 1,525. Biden dropped out of the race after the Iowa caucuses, but he still got 76,165 votes in 23 states and the District of Columbia where he was on the ballot during the 2008 presidential primaries.

How did Sarah Palin get the invitation to be the VP... You decided

2008-09-11T15:41:00.000-07:00

Didn't anyone see the design flaw in this one?

2008-09-10T14:34:00.001-07:00

I'm Baaack!

2008-09-10T13:34:00.000-07:00

OK, this will be short because I'm sitting at work with my computer screen in full view of my boss and by writing here I am clearly shirking the responsibilities that I should be attending to.

Sarah Palin is the Anti-Christ. There I said it in a public forum. Now, I shall sit and wait for the powers that be to come down on me like a tone of bricks. Or find a way to silence me, because we no longer have a Bill of Rights thanks to that other Born Again.

Some things I've gotten I'd like to pass on:

I don't know the validity of this, nor do I really care. Please read it and think for yourself. All I want is for this to make you think and possibly look into the truth for yourself and not be asleep like the majority of this "God fearing" country.

_______________________________________________________________

Sarah Palin - Note from Anne Kilkenny

Dear friends,

So many people have asked me about what I know about Sarah Palin in the last 2 days that I decided to write something up . . .

Basically, Sarah Palin and Hillary Clinton have only 2 things in common: their gender and their good looks. :)

You have my permission to forward this to your friends/email contacts with my name and email address attached, but please do not post it on any websites, as there are too many kooks out there . . .

Thanks,
Anne

ABOUT SARAH PALIN

I am a resident of Wasilla, Alaska. I have known Sarah since 1992. Everyone here knows Sarah, so it is nothing special to say we are on a first-name basis. Our children have attended the same schools. Her father was my child's favorite substitute teacher. I also am on a first name basis with her parents and mother-in-law. I attended more City Council meetings during her administration than about 99% of the residents of the city.

She is enormously popular; in every way she's like the most popular girl in middle school. Even men who think she is a poor choice and won't vote for her can't quit smiling when talking about her because she is a "babe".

It is astonishing and almost scary how well she can keep a secret. She kept her most recent pregnancy a secret from her children and parents for seven months.

She is "pro-life". She recently gave birth to a Down's syndrome baby. There is no cover-up involved, here; Trig is her baby.

She is energetic and hardworking. She regularly worked out at the gym.

She is savvy. She doesn't take positions; she just "puts things out there" and if they prove to be popular, then she takes credit.

Her husband works a union job on the North Slope for BP and is a champion snowmobile racer. Todd Palin's kind of job is highly sought-after because of the schedule and high pay. He arranges his work schedule so he can fish for salmon in Bristol Bay for a month or so in summer, but by no stretch of the magination is fishing their major source of income. Nor has her life-style ever been anything like that of native Alaskans.

Sarah and her whole family are avid hunters.

She's smart.

Her experience is as mayor of a city with a population of about 5,000 (at the time), and less than 2 years as governor of a state with about 670,000 residents.

During her mayoral administration most of the actual work of running this small city was turned over to an administrator. She had been pushed to hire this administrator by party power-brokers after she had gotten herself into some trouble over precipitous firings which had given rise to a recall campaign.

Sarah campaigned in Wasilla as a "fiscal conservative". During her 6 years as Mayor, she increased general government expenditures by over 33%. During those same 6 years the amount of taxes collected by the City increased by 38%. This was during a period of low inflation (1996-2002). She reduced rogressive property taxes and increased a regressive sales tax which taxed even food. The tax cuts that she promoted benefited large corporate property owners way more than they benefited residents.

The huge increases in tax revenues during her mayoral administration weren't enough to fund everything on her wish list though, borrowed money was needed, too. She inherited a city with zero debt, but left it with indebtedness of over $22 million. What did Mayor Palin encourage the voters to borrow money for? Was it the infrastructure that she said she supported? The sewage treatment plant that the city lacked? or a new library? No. $1m for a park. $15m-plus for construction of a multi-use sports complex which she rushed through to build on a piece of property that the City didn't even have clear title to, that was still in litigation 7 yrs later--to the delight of the lawyers involved! The sports complex itself is a nice addition to the community but a huge money pit, not the profit-generator she claimed it would be. She also supported bonds for $5.5m for road projects that could have been done in 5-7 yrs without any borrowing.

While Mayor, City Hall was extensively remodeled and her office redecorated more than once.

These are small numbers, but Wasilla is a very small city.

As an oil producer, the high price of oil has created a budget surplus in Alaska. Rather than invest this surplus in technology that will make us energy independent and increase efficiency, as Governor she proposed distribution of this surplus to every individual in the state.

In this time of record state revenues and budget surpluses, she recommended that the state borrow/bond for road projects, even while she proposed distribution of surplus state revenues: spend today's surplus, borrow for needs.

She's not very tolerant of divergent opinions or open to outside ideas or compromise. As Mayor, she fought ideas that weren't generated by her or her staff. Ideas weren't evaluated on their merits, but on the basis of who proposed them.

While Sarah was Mayor of Wasilla she tried to fire our highly respected City Librarian because the Librarian refused to consider removing from the library some books that Sarah wanted removed. City residents rallied to the defense of the City Librarian and against Palin's attempt at out-and-out censorship, so Palin backed down and withdrew her termination letter. People who fought her attempt to oust the Librarian are on her enemies list to this day.

Sarah complained about the "old boy's club" when she first ran for Mayor, so what did she bring Wasilla? A new set of "old boys". Palin fired most of the experienced staff she inherited. At the City and as Governor she hired or elevated new, inexperienced, obscure people, creating a staff totally dependent on her for their jobs and eternally grateful and fiercely loyal--loyal to the point of abusing their power to further her personal agenda, as she has acknowledged happened in the case of pressuring the State's top cop (see below).

As Mayor, Sarah fired Wasilla's Police Chief because he "intimidated" her, she told the press. As Governor, her recent firing of Alaska's top cop has the ring of familiarity about it. He served at her pleasure and she had every legal right to fire him, but it's pretty clear that an important factor in her decision to fire him was because he wouldn't fire her sister's ex-husband, a State Trooper. Under investigation for abuse of power, she has had to admit that more than 2 dozen contacts were made between her staff and family to the person that she later fired, pressuring him to fire her ex-brother-in-law. She tried to replace the man she fired with a man who she knew had been reprimanded for sexual harassment; when this caused a public furor, she withdrew her support.

She has bitten the hand of every person who extended theirs to her in help. The City Council person who personally escorted her around town introducing her to voters when she first ran for Wasilla City Council became one of her first targets when she was later elected Mayor. She abruptly fired her loyal City Administrator; even people who didn't like the guy were stunned by this ruthlessness.

Fear of retribution has kept all of these people from saying anything publicly about her.

When then-Governor Murkowski was handing out political plums, Sarah got the best, Chair of the Alaska Oil and Gas Conservation Commission: one of the few jobs not in Juneau and one of the best paid. She had no background in oil & gas issues. Within months of scoring this great job which paid $122,400/yr, she was complaining in the press about the high salary. I was told that she hated that job: the commute, the structured hours, the work. Sarah became aware that a member of this Commission (who was also the State Chair of the Republican Party) engaged in unethical behavior on the job. In a gutsy move which some undoubtedly cautioned her could be political suicide, Sarah solved all her problems in one fell swoop: got out of the job she hated and garnered gobs of media attention as the patron saint of ethics and as a gutsy fighter against the "old boys' club" when she dramatically quit, exposing this man's ethics violations (for which he was fined).

As Mayor, she had her hand stuck out as far as anyone for pork from Senator Ted Stevens. Lately, she has castigated his pork-barrel politics and publicly humiliated him. She only opposed the "bridge to nowhere" after it became clear that it would be unwise not to.

As Governor, she gave the Legislature no direction and budget guidelines, then made a big grandstand display of line-item vetoing projects, calling them pork. Public outcry and further legislative action restored most of these projects--which had been vetoed simply because she was not aware of their importance--but with the unobservant she had gained a reputation as "anti-pork".

She is solidly Republican: no political maverick. The State party leaders hate her because she has bit them in the back and humiliated them. Other members of the party object to her self-description as a fiscal conservative.

Around Wasilla there are people who went to high school with Sarah. They call her "Sarah Barracuda" because of her unbridled ambition and predatory ruthlessness. Before she became so powerful, very ugly stories circulated around town about shenanigans she pulled to be made point guard on the high school basketball team. When Sarah's mother-in-law, a highly respected member of the community and experienced manager, ran for Mayor, Sarah refused to endorse her.

As Governor, she stepped outside of the box and put together of package of legislation known as "AGIA" that forced the oil companies to march to the beat of her drum.

Like most Alaskans, she favors drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge. She has questioned if the loss of sea ice is linked to global warming. She campaigned "as a private citizen" against a state initiaitive that would have either a) protected salmon streams from pollution from mines, or b) tied up in the courts all mining in the state (depending on who you listen to). She has pushed the State's lawsuit against the Dept. of the Interior's decision to list polar bears as threatened species.

McCain is the oldest person to ever run for President; Sarah will be a heartbeat away from being President.

There has to be literally millions of Americans who are more knowledgeable and experienced than she.

However, there's a lot of people who have underestimated her and are regretting it.

CLAIM VS FACT
• "Hockey mom": true for a few years
• "PTA mom": true years ago when her first-born was in elementary school, not since
• "NRA supporter": absolutely true
• social conservative: mixed. Opposes gay marriage, BUT vetoed a bill that would have denied benefits to employees in same-sex relationships (said she did this because it was unconsitutional).
• pro-creationism: mixed. Supports it, BUT did nothing as Governor to promote it.
• "Pro-life": mixed. Knowingly gave birth to a Down's syndrome baby BUT declined to call a special legislative session on some pro-life legislation
• "Experienced": Some high schools have more students than Wasilla has residents. Many cities have more residents than the state of Alaska. No legislative experience other than City Council. Little hands-on supervisory or managerial experience; needed help of a city administrator to run town of about 5,000.
• political maverick: not at all
• gutsy: absolutely!
• open & transparent: ??? Good at keeping secrets. Not good at explaining actions.
• has a developed philosophy of public policy: no
• "a Greenie": no. Turned Wasilla into a wasteland of big box stores and disconnected parking lots. Is pro-drilling off-shore and in ANWR.
• fiscal conservative: not by my definition!
• pro-infrastructure: No. Promoted a sports complex and park in a city without a sewage treatment plant or storm drainage system. Built streets to early 20th century standards.
• pro-tax relief: Lowered taxes for businesses, increased tax burden on residents
• pro-small government: No. Oversaw greatest expansion of city government in Wasilla's history.
• pro-labor/pro-union. No. Just because her husband works union doesn't make her pro-labor. I have seen nothing to support any claim that she is pro-labor/pro-union.

WHY AM I WRITING THIS?

First, I have long believed in the importance of being an informed voter. I am a voter registrar. For 10 years I put on student voting programs in the schools. If you google my name (Anne Kilkenny + Alaska), you will find references to my participation in local government, education, and PTA/parent organizations.

Secondly, I've always operated in the belief that "Bad things happen when good people stay silent". Few people know as much as I do because few have gone to as many City Council meetings.

Third, I am just a housewife. I don't have a job she can bump me out of. I don't belong to any organization that she can hurt. But, I am no fool; she is immensely popular here, and it is likely that this will cost me somehow in the future: that's life.

Fourth, she has hated me since back in 1996, when I was one of the 100 or so people who rallied to support the City Librarian against Sarah's attempt at censorship.

Fifth, I looked around and realized that everybody else was afraid to say anything because they were somehow vulnerable.

CAVEATS
I am not a statistician. I developed the numbers for the increase in spending & taxation 2 years ago (when Palin was running for Governor) from information supplied to me by the Finance Director of the City of Wasilla, and I can't recall exactly what I adjusted for: did I adjust for inflation? for population increases? Right now, it is impossible for a private person to get any info out of City Hall--they are swamped. So I can't verify my numbers.

You may have noticed that there are various numbers circulating for the population of Wasilla, ranging from my "about 5,000", up to 9,000. The day Palin's selection was announced a city official told me that the current population is about 7,000. The official 2000 census count was 5,460. I have used about 5,000 because Palin was Mayor from 1996 to 2002, and the city was
growing rapidly in the mid-90's.

Anne Kilkenny
August 31, 2008

Now I've seen everything

2008-09-10T13:19:00.000-07:00

RNC in a minute

2008-09-10T12:01:00.001-07:00

Genius in a minute!

OH MY GOD!!!

2008-05-22T18:35:00.001-07:00

Well, what do you know, I 'm still alive. I think the last thing I posted was in September of last year and I don't think I've actually written anything for... dear God, I have no idea. The only excuse I can think of is: it's hard to look at a blank box. But that's just bullshit. I've just been mildly uninspired and lazy. More lazy than uninspired. And there are only so many reruns of Friends one can watch before Guillain-Barre Syndrome sets in. OK, that's a bit extreme, but you get the idea.

It's funny how quickly time can pass and thoughts can come and go. Much like the thunderstorm that tried to reign down on Los Angeles came and went today. The lighting was there, even the strum und drang of the thunder. But in the end it was uneventful and left spots on my car. Spots like faded memories of thoughts gone by...

Since I last wrote got into making political ads with a friend. Their funny and mildly timely. We'll see if they continue.

What else? Um... my manager dropped me. That sucked. Pissed me off and sent me into a tailspin. What I find interesting is the response that people who are close to me had. My mother: very worried. My Manager: very uninterested. My friend Keili: very concerned for my well being. The girl I'm not really seeing: Thinking about herself and how I'm a dick for not answering her text messages about her. OK, while that's true, not very fair. Ah... fuck it.

It's amazing how we choose the people we spend time with. I, personally, spend far too much time alone, which in itself is very telling. I should be surrounding myself with powerful people (not power in the sense of what the can do and who they can get to do it, but power in the sense of certainty). Right? Power is good. A true sense of self is good, right? Of course those people tend to stay away from me because I drive them nuts. And I mean NUTS!

Well, I think I drive most people nuts. That's what's charming about me. See, this isn't self deprecating its self realization. I can't continue to say everyone else is crazy, can I? I don't think I'm crazy. That'd just be unhelpful. I'm certainly this side of normal, and socially far better than some. f course by the time I finish writing this you may have a very different view point...

Back to choice. It's all choice. And... no one really has problems. OK. Maybe Katrina victims... they have problems. And people chained up in the closet and forced to be a breeder for their psychotic incestuous Austrian father. They have problems. So do those kids. OK... um... people have problems. I have to realize in the light of those... I have none. But back to choice.

So, the problems I have - and most likely the problems you have - and ones of your own creation. So, stop. That's what I'm trying to do. Wait, no I'm not. I'm uninspired and lazy.

What to do what to do what to do? No idea. Hope that writing this will instigate change. 'Cause what are we if we cannot change? Not sure.

On a completely different note... remodeling sucks.

So that's all I got. It's rambling and has no bearing on anything. Enjoy and hopefully it won't be another year before I write something. Something that actually has a point and has some meaning.

oy.

Watch this...

2007-09-05T18:07:00.001-07:00

This is a friend of mine in a great PSA:

Ask and you get... What?

2007-06-28T01:31:00.000-07:00

I play the guitar. Occasionally, I play at bars in Los Angeles. I have people who tell me how much they enjoy listening to me play the guitar at said bars in Los Angeles. Some of these people are my friends. When I have a gig at said bars in Los Angeles I send an email out to a large number of people, including my friends, letting them know I'll be playing at one of those bars in Los Angeles. You'd expect that I'd have people and/or friends showing up to said gig in said bar in Los Angeles. You, then, would be expecting wrong. And this goes for the friends too.

"And why do I write this?" you ask yourself - and if you didn't you are now asking yourself because I put the question in your head. The answer: I'm playing on Saturday. I need to get a group of people there so I am able to return and play again - the joys of playing in said bars in Los Angeles. Without a group larger than 3 in number I may not be playing for this particular promoter again, regardless of how talented he thinks I am. So I sent out an email stating this fact... nicely.

One would think I'd get responses of support. One would think.

Let's do a little math. When I send an email from the mailing list provider that I use a fair number can end up in people's spam or junk mail boxes. Fine. Then you get the number who look at the name, maybe recognize it, maybe not and don't read it. And then there are the people who read it and don't respond. Beyond that there are the people who read and respond. So out of, say - and I'm just coming up with a number off the top of my head - 702 people about 400 get the email and 200 live out of town. Let's say. This evening I received 25 emails all telling me the various reasons why my people, my friends cannot make it.

1st where are the other 175?

2nd what makes these people think I am going to feel better knowing they cannot make my gig because they are going to be on a boat in Alaska. That doesn't help. You know what would help - SEND A FRIEND IN YOUR PLACE. That'd help.

I just trying to play out. And what good is art if there is no one there to experience it. As I have told a number of people over the years - you can be the greeted actor in the world in your living room, but who cares. I can be the greatest guitarist in the world, but no one would know.

This isn't a pity party on me. Really, if you can't make it and you have a legitimate excuse - totally cool. But don't think that absolves you. Fill your house by sitting other people's houses. And, hell... I am pretty good.

So if you read this and you take offence, good. If you read this and think "I wonder what his music sounds like?" click HERE or HERE.

Or do the smart thing - come to the Pig N' Whistle on Saturday night at 8. That's this Saturday June 30th. I'd greatly appreciate it.

Oh - one more thing. A person close to me wrote in an email: "I know the right and perfect people are going to show up!!"

I really hope that wasn't a threat.

Something to look at

2007-06-15T14:56:00.000-07:00

Now, I'm not a political minded person - not really anyway. And I cannot pretend to be the most informed person you'll ever meet. However, I do believe that there are things we should be aware of and I do believe that in the midst of the hell on earth that we could be moving quickly toward there is a possibility of change. Simple logic is irrefutable: in the end the simplest conclusion is most likely the correct conclusion. We're really good at fucking ourselves up with too much thought. well, here's something to look at and ponder. I've never been one of those people to jump on a bandwagon, but I think I can do my part by simply presenting what I find to be a very smartly laid out simple conclusion.

Watch. Think. Act or don't act - that is your prerogative. But don't idly sit by and complain unless you're willing to at least assume responsibility.

Interesting Argument About Global Warming - Watch more free videos

Women in Art

2007-05-29T20:37:00.000-07:00

It takes about 3 minutes and it is very very cool.

Well that didn't work...

2007-05-28T18:42:00.001-07:00

"I'll try and write every day for 2 weeks."

Yeah. Right.

It was a nice idea but one that was based in some kind of quicksand reality. It's not that I didn't want to write. In fact I've been fully prepared constantly thinking of new and interesting topics to write about. But still, no go. And I don't exactly know why. I'd like to say I was shooting a film in Tanzania. I'd like to say I was tucked away in some B&B in the woods with some pretty young thing. I'd like to say I was on a coast-to-coast road trip. But none of these would be true. The reality is - most likely - come the end of the day I just forgot to sit down and put my 30 minutes in.

Today I make up for that. Today I write about the abortive attempt at shooting a short little 3-minute YouTube film about me trying to write a song. I call abortive because not only did I basically get nothing out of it, but I actually walked away feeling like I was more of a looser than I do on a good day. Nice.

So the idea was Adam tries to write a song. Well, I'm familiar with that. I've been trying to write a song for the last 2 years with little to no success. Sure I come up with some cool chord progressions. Sometimes I even have a momentary flash of poetic inspiration, but in the end the song never comes to fruition. All I end up with are a couple cool chord progressions and heartfelt esoteric "I wish you were here with me" drivel. And oh what drivel it is!

So, I thought this would make a funny little YouTube movie thing and I would begin the journey of creating my own work and putting it out there for the world to see. Saturate the market, so to say, with flickering images of Adam Donshik. This way I would be taking my friend Jeremy Toeman's advice and do something to create interest in me as opposed to waiting for the phone to ring - and may I say I am not waiting for the phone to ring.

OK, the basic premise is this: when I go to write I tend to do everything but write. I watch TV, play a little, watch more TV, get something to drink, play a little, clean the cat litter, make a phone call, kill ants with Formula 409, make my way back to the guitar but get distracted by an overwhelming need to clean my closets, etc. You get the point. It's not that I have ADD - which I was diagnosed with - it's that I don't really have anything to say. Which is also a lie, but one that I seem to be adept at propagating.

409 does a great job of killing ants on contact. Try it sometime.

Well, my friend Mary, an accomplished filmmaker in her own right - check out her film that's ripping up the festival circuit What Hot Guy? - was kind enough to come over and help me out. Two hours and 1 60 minute tape later I had little more than me scrolling through the 2400 contacts in my cell phone looking for someone to ask out, a humiliating concept without it being taped for all posterity. I'm sure one of these days I'm going to sit down and edit something out of it. They do say directing happens in teh editing room. Of course I don't know who they are so I don't really give the statement much credence.

What did I learn from this debacle? Ok, that may be a little strong. What did I learn from this experience - 'cause you gotta learn something or it wasn't worth it... What I learned was this: I need to draw up a shot list before embarking on a video journey or I ain't getting nowhere. BUT I DON'T WANNA. Too bad.

I'm sure I'll make another attempt in the near future to put something together. Christ I think I know how to do everything better then the ones who are doing it already... now I've got to put my money where my mouth is. I am no longer a passive observer but instead an active participant in my life so I think I should act accordingly.

Well, that's all I got for now. Not really that interesting today. But we can't always change the world now, can we?

OK, I'll try to edit something together ASAP and put it up. Check back periodically.

And this time I will try and write more often. Funny shit just happened and once I find out where it all lies I'll write about it.

Till then...

The Dawning of a New Day

2007-05-24T17:40:00.000-07:00

I've decided that I am going to write something here on a daily basis for the next 2 weeks. It's going to be a challenge. Blogging seems easy enough. You sit down and start typing and the words appear on the screen and, wow, you've got something. But what becomes difficult is the sits power it takes to write something. Kinda like the idea that if I take 30 minutes to write something is that 30 minutes I have to subtract from something else I was going to do? Is that an additional 30 minutes I could have spent watching the finale of LOST or browsing Chemistry.com hoping their advanced matching system has found me Ms. Right? 30 minutes. OR am I afraid that the allotted 30 minutes may explode into something more significant like 45 or 60 minutes. Then I might be dipping into precious sleep time - which there never seems to be enough of around season finale time.

So what is 30 minutes really? When you're with someone special its too short. When you're waiting on the 405 to go 2/10 of a mile its forever. But today its the allotted time to write something that hopefully, at some point, means something.

I think I wrote in some earlier post that I started this because I figure since I'm a writer, of sorts, I should write and what better forum then the world wide web? Well, it's entirely possible this and the handful of TV shows I've been on could be my living legacy. So, for those of you who've been on board, thanks for sharing and continue to do so into the future. You are part of my history as I am now a part of yours.

There's where 30 minutes makes a difference. If I can put some thought of mine down that has a lasting affect then I did something of note today. Change the world one 1 and 0 at a time. Infect one's way of thinking. Change the path of one's decision. 30 minutes to change the world. And I don't even have to save a cheerleader.

Perhaps in this 30 minutes the pain of life could dissipate long enough for one to see the flowers, smell the air and realize that all is not bad and all is not crashing down around like an Iraqi city under siege. Perhaps in this 30 minutes could swallow whole the nagging feelings of cowardice that holds one back from making the call that could change their life forever. Perhaps in this 30 minutes i will get the inspiration to get up, walk out of work and finish the incomplete jobs that sit waiting for me at home. Perhaps. Or this 30 minutes will just be a respite from life and a mildly poetic, mildly philosophical look at nothing in particular but the time it took for me to sit and type this. Just imagine what will happen when I start podcasting...

Thank you for taking the 30 minutes to sit and read through this. Know that this is just the beginning, a dawning if you will, of a new day...

New Demo Reel

2007-05-22T13:14:00.000-07:00

I've reedited my demo reel - again. Check it out!

I'm testing something here...

2007-03-12T22:18:00.001-07:00

Holidays - a quck one

2006-12-24T12:08:00.000-08:00

This one's gotta be quick because I've only got about 20 minutes left on my battery.

Well, Happy Holidays all. Happy... if you're Jewish - Hanukah, if you're African - Kwanza, if you're any version of Christian or Catholic - Christmas and if you're Muslim - I have no idea. But regardless Happy something. In a time of holiday cheer, or at least the appearance of cheer, we should be looking back at what we've accomplished and what we have not. As my teacher said to me when I was criticizing myself for not having done one little part of whatever, "leave my actor alone." or it might have been "leave my fucking actor alone." The reason I say this is twofold. Why criticize what we no longer have control over. The moment has passed, long gone, so there is no reason to dwell on what I should have done or I could have done or why didn't I do it or what was I thinking or why was I more worried about the cigarette in my hand then stopping the fight? None of these concern matter now. Should we look at them and learn from them? Yes, but to dwell seems asinine and a colossal waste of time and energy. Yet, we do it! Is it a phenomenon brought about with the advent of Psychotherapy? While I have no proof of this, I think so. We now spend a whole lot more time worrying about what we've done here and there than we had in the past.

Imagine, if you will, you are a farmer in the relatively uncharted mid west (read: Pennsylvania) in the mid 1800s. I don't think you were going to have a whole lot of time worrying or wondering or introspecting on the state of your psyche. The concept of "I just don't feel it today" didn't enter in. You got up at 5 and went to the fields or you didn't eat. You got up and went to the fields in the blizzarding snow because if you didn't you didn't eat. If the barn burned down, you rebuilt it as opposed to lamenting its loss or, you guessed it, you didn't eat. And I use the expression "you didn't eat" as an analogy to survival.

Today if you get fired or your car gets smashed or your boss yells at you what happens? You stay in bed until th day has gotten away from you. You go to a bar and drink your self silly. You abandon your daily routine and sit and think. How helpful is that shit? Is it the lack of environmental difficulty that allows us this overindulgence of our problems? Or is it that we think we know the answers because some guy said "the solution is locked deep inside you and the only way to get at it is to talk talk talk talk talk and hope something comes.

I spent many hours in a psychiatrists chair. He was a great guy who didn't believe in medicating. Thank God for that. And while I was definitely better for my time with him and think fondly when he pops in my mind, I don't know what our "work" was leading to. The biggest thing I got from him was an understanding that someone other than me could care about me; that I wasn't alone and I didn't need to fear or hate the great masses of man. In addition, I learned that being a sensitive person is not a bad thing. These lessons were hard won and well worth the time. But after 4 years what else would have happened?

My doctor was a rarity. The majority of psychiatrists are backed my pharmaceutical companies looking for the next big jackpot on the next big drug to give to our kids. They are not interested in really helping. With an increase in the reported cases of ADD in the 90s and the broadening of the psychiatric definition of what ADD is we see the organized and legalized drug pushers now tapping into a whole new market - kids. Right on! Do they know or are they aware or do they even care that the human brain continues to develop until the age of 21 and by putting a 8 year old or 9 year old on a brain chemical altering drug you are changing the way their brain develops. In essence creating a physical, not to mention chemical, dependency that will effect long into the future. How could there have been proper testing to see the long term affects of this kind of mass solution? There couldn't have and I bet in 10 years the Psychiatrists are going to say they were wrong, but too late! An entire generation of kids are hooked and to what end? To make the parents feel better that they tried something other than good parenting and more attention?

The yuppies of the 80s didn't have time to be parents so they medicated their children in the 90s.

How does this tie to holiday cheer? It doesn't. But being one of the kids medicated I have to look back without anger and forcibly stay in present time because the fields need plowing and I want to eat.

So: if you find yourself stuck in the past, realize it is a social construct set up by a group of suppressive people (psychiatrists) to keep you from actively achieving your goals. Feeling good is based on a job well done, not getting to know yourself better. Don't worry, that will come. And in the end, does it really matter what you think? A man should be judged based on his actions and what he does, not how he felt about himself. In 2007 - do the things that will make you a better person. Do them, don't think about doing them and wondering how that will feel.

That's my holiday message. Have a safe one and take care of your fellows out there. While we have more than one life to live, let's make the one we're in now as light and fun and enjoyable as we can.

And one more thing - religion shouldn't be a reason for hate when in the end all religions say, in one form or another, "love thy neighbor" and "do unto others as you'd have done unto you." An eye for an eye is not going to make this place better.

The opening of my new play...

2006-12-06T16:41:00.000-08:00

Serial.

The word SERIAL is defined as “consisting of, forming part of, or taking place in a series: a serial publication” The Pickwick Papers by Charles Dickens were originally published as a serial. In the forties we had the great movie matinee serials like Spy Smasher, The Masked Marvel and Flash Gordon - and I don’t mean the movie - each ending with some cliffhanger to entice the hungry fans to come back next week. Even the TV we watch today falls under this definition. When you think about it, life, if nothing more, is serial in its very nature: “consisting of, forming part of or taking place in a series.”

But TV or forties film strips or Charles Dickens don’t typically spring to mind when we hear the word Serial, do they? You see, in these modern times serial is better defined as “repeatedly committing the same offense and typically following a characteristic, predictable behavior pattern.” As in serial killer. A term commonly attributed to Special Agent Robert Ressler - one of the founding memeber’s of the FBI’s Behavioral Science Unit.

Jack the Ripper. John Wayne Gacey. The Son of Sam: David Berkowitz. Jeffrey Dahmer. Ted Bundy. Lesser known killers like Charles Cullen or Steven Letter - both know as the Angel of Death, Mary Beth Tinning who in 14 years killed her 9 children. Albert Fish, the Zodiac. You get the picture. Serial killers. They fascinate us. While generalizing behavioral characteristics is difficult, it is safe to say the majority of these killers have a specific, pattern based method to which they operate. Do they deviate - yes, but the deviation is almost always an escalating of atrocity. They are seemingly heartless but appear socially adequate enough to have friends and/or lovers and even be described as “a really nice guy who wouldn’t hurt a fly.” And serial killers are a sensation hungry, media-crazed nation’s soul food. We are horrified and enthralled at the same time. Not unlike a car accident - we hate that it happens but can’t help slowing down to see the gruesome outcome. There is nothing like a little death to arouse human curiosity.

I’ve always wondered if there were no consequences would the average person be willing to kill another human being? Or is there a mechanism within us that actually prevents us from taking a life? To coin a phrase: A consequence of conscience. And if so, are the Dahmer’s of the world born without that consequence of conscience? Something to consider. And while you’re considering... think on this question: what is conscience, really? Webster defines conscience as: “the faculty, power, or inward principle which decides as to the character of one's own actions, purposes, and affections, warning against and condemning that which is wrong, and approving and prompting to that which is right; the moral faculty passing judgment on one's self.” Is that then the nagging Super Ego Freud wrote about? Jung’s collective unconscious? A social hold-over from ancient times screaming don’t piss off the God’s or there’ll be hell to pay? A genetic predisposition to further the human race? One or all, the vast majority of us are at the mercy of something that holds the average, normal person back. Science doesn’t have an answer and psychiatrists, well, we won’t get into their territory since they aren’t too sure of their footing in mental realm - just ask them to define ADHD. And I don’t think it’s what the movies are saying either. The iconic image of the man in black with a dark brow over hanging deep set eyes. Bundy looked like you or me. Gacey was a natural salesman and dressed up like clown for sick kids. Look at the person next to you. He or she is fully capable of the worst that human nature can bring. But are they going to act on it? The realm of the serial killer, or, more specifically, the person lacking the consequence of conscience, is not black and white. It’s gray. Beautifully gray. So... your homework: think about the “gray.” I want you to formulate your theories on why the majority of us can live lives of quiet desperation serialized and qualified by whether McDreamy and Meredith are going to get together and a minority are fully capable of committing the most horrific atrocity without blinking an eye. Remember the look on Dahmer’s face when he sat at the defendant’s table. Stone cold. Nothing. The look of a simple librarian on his lunch break. I expect greatness from you all and anything less is unacceptable. Have a great weekend and may the force be with you.

comments...

2006-11-27T23:29:00.000-08:00

It's funny - I just switched over to this new version of the blogging program - because the program told me to, or asked and then said press here - and I found that I had comments waiting for approval. My friend wrote me a little something - so here I publicly have to say: You made me smile and I really appreciate what you wrote. You are a fantastic friend and that appreciated more than anything else. See, even this cynical nut has a soft side, sorta. Trust me, you don't want to know what my beside reading is right now.

The other comment was from someone named Jayne. I don't think I know her, but a shout out to you as well. In response to my "friends like these" post - Yup, I hope to god the bus and he find each other soon.

So there you have it. I have now exercised my constitutional right to free speech and this time it wasn't even a rant. Something must be happening to me.

Oh, and to all you out there a poll: Lexus IS 250 or Volvo S40 T5? Let me know what you think, 'cause I have to buy a new car and I can't figure out which to get.

Rock on and be well as we move into the last month of the swiftly moving year.

And for those who are suddenly worried that I fell and hit my head... I'm sure I'll have something to write about that isn't so "normal."

MY NEW NEICE DAMN IT!

Alexis Donshik

2006-11-27T14:57:00.000-08:00

On November 23rd my brother and his wife embarked on a journey to the Orient. Leaving NY they landed in China on a mission to adopt a baby girl. After almost a year of waiting, yesterday - or today because of the time difference - they met their new baby girl, Alexis.

Here's the link to check out the happy family and read about their journey. My brother's new daughter!

Turkey Day Blues

2006-11-24T20:20:00.000-08:00

OH DEAR GOD I ATE TOO MUCH. Agian.

What is it with Americans and eating too much? We invent holidays to gorge ourselves on what is basically one large carbohydrate with some protein sprinkled on top. Some say, on this austere holiday, that the L-tryptophan in the turkey is what puts us asleep; that there is a base chemical reaction leading us to somnolence. I have a different theory: We eat too much and our bodies go into shock. In doing so the body does the only rational thing - shut down. Shock leads to shut down. I know - real out there theory. Of course the alcohol we drink before the meal and the wine during the meal doesn't hurt the falling asleep either.

In essence, we are celebrating with glee the domination of one group of people by another. Yippie! Our puritanical ways beat out your savagery, let's eat! Nice. I wonder how many of the economically depressed Native Americans are celebrating this day with fine wines and catered turkey spreads? Now, since many of these Native Americans finally decided to play our game - Indian resort casinos anyone? - I think they are sitting a bit better than they once were, so maybe the number is higher than I thought. Or they are thinking today should be renamed from Thanksgiving to GO FUCK YOURSELF WHITE MAN day. It has a catchy ring, doesn't it?

I'm gonna make this short because for the second day in a row I've eaten too much. Much too much. I feel sick. I feel fat. I feel like I'm gonna go into diabetic shock at any moment - thank s Amy! So it's off to the couch to sit around in my underwear until way too late and get up to do the whole thing over again.

I'm not eating anymore. Ever again.

Oh... Anyone want to give me $30,000 no strings attached?

Just asking.

Memory & Size

2006-11-21T17:39:00.000-08:00

I am traveling right now. Well, not right now. Right now I am sitting in a bed typing this entry, but in general I am on in the midst of a trip. A voyage, a jaunt down memory lane. Memories that are good, bad and, for lack of a better term, indifferent. Yet, there is one commonality to all of these memories: size. Everything seems smaller. Distances, buildings, people, time in general. I am not sure if I can fully describe what I have been experiencing, but I am certainly going to try.

_______________________________________

That was written about 2 months ago. I started writing that on September 7th. September 8th was the last time I posted an entry. Interesting. What is that, 2 months of silence? It's not that I didn't have anything to write about. Rather, I just didn't feel like writing. OK that's not true. I'd think to write, and then sit in front of the TV for 4 hours wondering why my life seems empty and why I care so much about what happens in the lives of make believe people. I guess after coming to the realization that the modern dating world is a useless wasteland of heartache, it's been hard to bring myself to write about all my other bleak observations. But enough of the negative - my friend Leslie is very optimistic and happy, I envy that. And in the midst of that envy I'll make some effort to allow for a modicum of truth in her view point - as much as every fiber of my being is revolting. I mean a guy I went to college is the bad guy on Heros. A part I think I should have at least read for, but no. I didn't. I REALLY SHOUDL HAVE! Zach is a great actor and I am very happy for him. Truly.

Suffice it to say, the topic stays pertinent: Memory and size. Did you like that? The way I deftly changed the topic back to the original with no skill whatsoever? Brilliant. And now for the topic at hand...

Memory plays tricks on each and every one of us. What we think we remember may be vastly different than what truly happened. There are three sides to every story. 1) What I saw/remember, 2) What you saw/remember and 3) the truth. The actual events that occur will forever be lost to the world of perception. A world that is influenced by everything from what you've eaten to how much sun you may have gotten. Take, for example, a car accident.

The truth: Guy X in a Mazda RX7 runs a red light and collides into the passenger side of a Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme trying to turn before on coming traffic bears down on him. The driver of the Cutlass is not wearing a seat belt and is knocked around the front seats and hits his head. The Guy X in the RX7 is OK because his air bags deploy. The person on the north east side of the street saw the whole thing as did the person on the opposite side of the street. Both itching to tell the traffic cop what really happened. Here's where the phenomenon comes to its fullest: The on-looker's stories don't match. Sure, the event is there, but that is the only thing they're going to agree on. An accident occurred. But who hit who? South side of the street guy is positive he saw the Cutlass plow into the RX7 as it was crossing the intersection. North side of the street guy was positive he saw the light turning, but can't remember if it was from yellow to red or green to yellow. But he's sure the RX7 got there just as the Cutlass was turning. Ask the guy in the RX7 - the Cutlass came out of nowhere and the light was fully green. Ask the Cutlass guy what happened and he'll have no idea cause the idiot is driving a car from 1988 that doesn't have air bags, was talking on his new krazor phone from Verizon and wasn't wearing his seatbelt. OK, the actual truth is the guy driving the Cutlass was in a hurry to get home because his new girlfriend was talking dirty to him on the cell phone - which indecently is not a cell phone because it uses digital technology not cell technology - and wanted him bad so he wasn't paying attention as the guy in the RX7, who was looking up street directions on his new Verizon Treo 700, didn't notice that the light changed and if he did notice he didn't care because he's driving an RX7. So, the true culprit here is not driver error or perception, it's Verizon.

Oops. That wasn't the point, was it? The point: perception is clouded. Each person involved in the scenario will have a different memory of what happened. Because they are filtering the stimuli from the outside world through sight, sound, touch, taste and smell. And those are each uniquely tuned to each individual. Look up right now look around and then close your eyes. What do you remember of the room? What's on the wall? What's ont he floor? Ask yourself and then look again. How right were you? Not so right, huh? Memory is not what you think it is.

I believe everything is recorded exactly as it is. We're just recalling it filtered through the limitations of our senses.

So, then, what's this about size? Well, I think that would fall under the established concept that memory is skewed and distorted. That really big tree as a child is not so big as an adult - and that's not because the gardeners have pruned it. We see things in our minds from the state in which we originally saw those things. Hence the tree being a lot smaller than remembered.

When I was home - the impetus for this particular blog - I noticed the tree in my front yard just isn't that big. The tree in the middle of the cul de sac, while larger, isn't in the center of the circle. I had always thought it was. The amount of time it took to go from Lenox, MA to West Hartford was considerably shorter. My Elementary School - puny. And when hell did Wild Oats replace the Service Merchandise?

OK. I've over written this. You got the point a half hour ago. I guess this is what happens when I feel the need to try and make up for not writing for the last 2 months. I'll most likely be writing more, so stay tuned.

Interpersonal relations in the modern era

2006-09-08T01:07:00.001-07:00

There is a phenomenon that has arisen in the last 5 or so years. Maybe it's been longer maybe shorter, I wasn't really paying attention or I dismissed it outright when it first surfaced. This phenomenon: on-line dating.

There was once a time when a young man and a young woman met for the first time when at the alter. Arranged marriages, they called it. Sometimes it was two pimply faced kids who knew nothing of interpersonal relations or anything about what it meant to be in a bound union that effectively lasted the rest of their natural lives. Sometimes it was an older gentleman getting the innocent young girl for his very own because it was a good move politically for the families. And sometimes the young woman in question was just given away in a sort of slavery-esque manner because girls weren't worth as much as boys. As times moved forward choice made its way into the decision making process. Youngsters would be in school and meet the girl or guy who "flipped their lid" and they'd go steady, go parking, and end up being high school sweethearts. Or if they weren't so lucky they'd be unexpected parents and live miserable lives because they couldn't keep they're hormones in check or they weren't smart enough to buy a condom.

As time moved forward, and it always does, the means to get the girl or guy became a social situation - enter the bar or nightclub. Girls trollop themselves up and guys put on too much aftershave and hit the swinging night spots in order for alcohol and pheromones to mix at just the right temperature to create a spark and ignite passion. At times these ignitions would be nothing more than a fleeting roll in the hay, but by continually going back and attempting to find the right mixture of alcohol and pheromones these hipsters would seek out that "one." As time passed this scenario unfortunately degraded into something much less sophisticated - the one-night stand. How is that different than the "ignitions" that failed? Simple: the desire to end up with "the one" is no longer present. I like to refer these youngsters engaging in this activity as "The Sport Fuckers." They throw caution to the wind to be able to reminisce over the conquests of their youth while scratching their asses fat and ugly one their couches watching late-night TV before they go off to their graveyard shift security jobs.

But even "The Sport Fuckers" began to find the alcohol-laced crowds of local bars a difficult playing ground. Apathy and social climbing began to take the place of the search for connection and the final frontier got pushed father out beyond the hazy clouds of distant galaxies.

Introduce on-line dating. Now, I spend a fair bit of time on-line. What was it Hunter S. Thompson said about our future society? "Plug in, Turn on, Tune out?" Seems that's what we're doing at an alarming rate. Hell, if I can join a gym on-line and never go, if I can get my rocks off by spending $29.95 a month at ilikedirtysluts.com, if I can buy a replica Ferrari - which is actually a Datsun 280Z with a Ferrari kit body - sight unseen on E-bay (that one's for you Bill), and if I can isolate myself and buy groceries, clothes, books, music and the like on-line why can't I find love? Yeah, why not?

It used to be that we had to leave our house to get stuff. We were forced to interact in order to live our lives. But no longer! Technology has solved that for us and look at where we are. Technology and its ills aside, let's get back to the point: On-Line Dating.

There are sites like place4friends.com, friendster.com, Match.com, myspace.com, eHarmony.com and religion specific sites like Jdate.com, Jlove.com and the now defunct affinityexchange.com. Each of these sites boast millions of singles looking for Mr. or Mrs. Right. Mr. or Mrs. Right. Millions of singles. Oy. But there are millions of people hoping to find true love on these sites. I've actually met a few of the successes. So, to be objective I have to state that they do work. But will they work for the millions of singles looking for Mr. or Mrs. Right? Are we going to find our Rhett Butler? Our Carey Grant? Our Marilyn Monroe? Our Jenna Jameson? Our Ron Jeremy? Because that's what those millions and millions of singles are searching for. They are looking for an archetype and instead finding socially inept, slightly overweight people who don't know what it means to have interpersonal relations with another. OK, that's a gross generalization and not fair to the small percentage of people who really do have difficulty meeting people and are using this as a means to find that right someone. Those people do exist.

Well, I have found over the years that I'm one of those isolated people with a mildly underdeveloped social skill set. With that said I have broken down and dipped into the wily world of on-line dating. Consider it an anthropological study.

First thing you have to do is fill out the form that lets your would-be suitors know who you are. After that you fill out the form to let the would-be suitors know what would-be suitor you are looking for and after that you then swallow any sense of humility you have and try to promote yourself in the best light you can so the would-be suitors want to be with you and live happily ever after. Once the forms have been filled out you then start trolling for the matches for you. You find the one who basically fits what you're looking for and the need to swallow your pride happens again - the e-mailed message or prefab message "flirt." Once you've sent it then you wait to see if you're good enough for the one who'll end your bout of loneliness. They write back or "flirt" back and you continue to have this exchange for a week or two and then you meet is a public place so as to allay any fears of being a stalker or a psychopath. Those meetings become more frequent until happiness finally does ensue. Or at least that's the basic idea of it all.

Here's the reality from my experience. You do all the form filling out and trolling to find that special someone and then you e-mail the stupid one-liners you'd never have the guts to say in person only to wait. And you do wait. Why? Because those you want to be with are looking to be with someone hotter or more intelligent. Oh, and these people don't read what you've written. I know for fact because a dear friend of mine is looking for a white Jewish guy and the only response "ideal match."

In my study I've sent notes to a fair number of these millions of single women all looking for love. Some of the notes were dumb and some were witty but all have gone unanswered. I have, however, received a few choice notes from women who are not at all what I said I was looking for. Ah, irony.

So what's the solution? Huh? I'd rather stay away from the people I work with and who study at my school. Why? Obvious: it's better not to shit where you eat. I don't like bars because I don't like them - meat markets for the snobby. And I really don't have game. Maybe my game is that I don't have game. Someone mentioned that to me once. I'm a straightforward guy; I mean what I say so if I'm interested I'm interested and not looking to be one of those "Sport Fuckers." Of course, that may be where I'm going wrong. Nonetheless this is where I'm at and I'm looking for that special someone. So the bars are out and the clubs are way out if the bars are out and that leaves coffee shops. But, I quite caffeine over 10 years ago so the coffee thing is right out. That leaves what? Yup, you guessed it, on-line dating. Anything is possible so maybe this is the way to go? Hell I had my mother meet women and try to set me up with them. MY MOTHER! She has no idea what I'm looking for and doing a better job of hooking me up than I am. Baffling.

On-line dating, the final frontier. The only thing that I could possibly imagine as more detached from having to deal with another person is... actually I can't think of anything that would be more detached. Jeez. Well, if I can join a gym on-line and never go who's to say I can't find a girlfriend I never see? Oh boy, something to look forward to!

On a completely separate but mildly related note:

It has come to my attention that I need to change the state I am in. I am doing this at any and every chance offered me. My brother has 2 kids - 4 and 6. I spent time with them over the weekend. They are both a handful, sometimes more than a handful, and very intelligent. But even at their worst I realized that I would like to have a child of my own. The power they posses to make this world not about you is amazing. The power they possess to educate you on the simplest tasks that are usually considered "old hat" is amazing. The power they possess to surprise and enlighten is amazing. And the power they have to be the most annoying creatures on the planet is amazing. But even with that I was taken.

Children have never been in my equation. Apparently, that equation has been changed just as my desire to work hard at my day job and hide from the world has changed. As Ted Theodore Logon once said, "Strange things are afoot at the Circle K." So where there is change there is the unknown and that unknown is frightening. Regardless change, as my teachers says, is possible. But how does this change tie into the on-line dating thing? Well, I guess it means that we continue to explore, for scientific purposes, the possibility that this Mr. Right will find Mrs. Right out there. If it happens to be because of a series of ones and zeros so be it. One must get themselves out there any means necessary.

The days of boy meets girl, falls in love with girl and lives happily ever after roll credits is no longer - maybe in the red states, but not in the leaning toward shallow, surface world of big city Los Angeles - A city that boasts an impressive roster of well tanned, well exercised pretty people with little to no substance. Mark Twain wrote "if all men were rich all men would be poor." Another individual wrote "if you're playing tennis and everybody wants to play with a better player no one would play tennis." That is my assessment of dating in Los Angeles. Always looking for the next better thing to come 'round the bend. If you are so inclined to walk up to a girl at a bar and you're not sporting a Breitling watch or have a Mercedes key fob hanging out of your Dolce & Gabbana jeans you might find yourself walking away in your non-Gucci shoes from a girl who is looking past you to see who's just walked in. I am obviously exaggerating for the sake of humor, but all jokes have a semblance of truth. Observe what happens next time you're out and realize that girl who's looking to see who just walked in is dumber than a box of rocks and thinks she can become something more than she is by opening her legs just a little wide than the girl sitting next to her. Oh, and by the way, her tits aren't real.

The hypocrisy of air travel

2006-09-01T18:06:00.000-07:00

This will be posted well after I am writing it. Why? Because I am currently on a trans-American flight long enough to be uncomfortable but not long enough to warrant a movie. I found I couldn’t wait until morning (I am on the second leg of a three leg flight from Los Angeles to Albany, NY) to write document the insanity and hypocrisy of the friendly skies.

First some background information before we get into the thick of it: A number of years ago I flew home for my father’s 60th birthday party. It was to be a surprise, but in this moment I can’t seem to remember if he knew I was coming or not – either way, that doesn’t really matter. He was happy I was there, I was happy I was there and peace settled across the land. I was taking the last flight out of Bradley International airport to Los Angeles with one quick stop in DC. The flight took off around 5 or 6pm – red eye flights east west don’t seem to exist. I wonder why? Probably some inane reason like they, the powers that be, – insert “the man” here – don’t want the poor pilots having to fly into the sun. Whatever.

The last flight out of Bradley sat on the tarmac for an hour. Why? No one knows. Mechanical problems? Uh, yeah. Sure. That sounds good. To this day I have no idea why we sat there for an hour, but it was OK. Here I was packed like a sardine having a bad day into a plane that was little more than a matchbox with wings waiting without the ability to turn on my cd player (this was before the advent of iPods) because the sign that used to be “no smoking” now converted to “please turn off electronic devices” was illuminated. Still, I was a lemming and didn’t think about it. They radioed ahead and my flight would be waiting for me, no problem. I was more a lemming than I thought.

Finally we took off. Bumpy as hell and misery inducing. We land and, wouldn’t you know it, my connecting flight to LA might as well have been located in Guam. We ran down the corridor (there were 6 or 7 of us), hopped on a tram, waited the requisite 60 seconds for the doors to close and arrived at the ass end of the new concourse. We ran our little tails off like a pack of wild gazelles, only less graceful, and got to the gate just in time to be told the door to the plane had been closed and they weren’t able to get us on the flight and they were sorry. But said in that way that makes you know they’re not sorry, they’re sadistic and taking great pleasure is ruining your day.

“No, sir. We are unable to do that?”
“Why?”
“Because, once the door is closed we are unable to open it.”
“Huh? They just closed it, I have to get home.”
“I’m sorry sir.”
“Why do I doubt that?”
“I am sorry sir.”
“Look, just tell them we’re here it and have them open the door.”
“We cannot do that.”
“I know, I heard you, but why? Just call them.”
“I’m sorry sir, once the door is closed…”
“I know you said that already, what are you a robot? Pick up the fucking radio and call the plane.”
“Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to watch your language.”
“You’re going to have to ask me what? Fuck this. Who do I have to talk to?”
“Sir, if you’re going to continue talking like that we’re going to have to call security.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?”

What was my recourse? I didn’t really want to be escorted out of the airport and apparently I wasn’t going to be getting on this flight, which, incidentally, was still sitting at the gate through this whole exchange. Well, I chose to go to the nearest airline counter and progress to have my right to use the f word kyboshed. More threats of security. Which, as I’m sure you can imagine, only made me more angry. I didn’t even want to get on the plane anymore I just wanted to get the pencil pushing dipshit behind the counter to apologize to me for “mechanical errors” that were going to keep me grounded for the night in our nations capitol. No such luck. What I did get was a free night’s stay at the Marriot. Yeah, not so much. I hopped the shuttle and went to the Hyatt and stayed there on the airlines dime.

You know, at that counter I tried to pull the “I’m a big actor supposed to be on set tomorrow morning and you are not only costing the production an inordinate amount of money but probably going to get me fired” routine. Yeah, no. That didn’t work. What they offered me was a note saying it was their fault. Kinda like they thought a note from my mommy was going to make it all ok.

Well, I got on the plane the next morning with maybe 2 hours of sleep flew to LA and went about my hectic day. But the bureaucracy of the situation pissed me off. I was penalized for the airlines error. A “mechanical problem” does not fall into a realm that I have any control over. And, let’s take the racial slurs and profanity that was spewing from me out of the picture, they didn’t really offer anything to placate my upset. Fuel for the fire in reality.

Now for the hypocrisy. Today I am, as we already know, flying from LA to Albany, NY. The red eye – flight was supposed to take off at 9:40 and get into Phoenix with just enough time for me to go by batteries so my iPod doesn’t die (I have an extra battery pack). I got on the plane and sat for a bit. 9:40 became 10:00 and that’s when we got the notification we were going to be waiting about 5 or 10 more minutes for 2 passengers that were on plane that has just landed. 5 or 10 minutes grew into 30. At this point we were informed the 2 passengers we were waiting for were pilots that needed to hop this flight because they had to be in Phoenix the next day. 30 minutes became 45 and at this point I started to complain. Well, it wasn’t just me, there were 21 passengers needing to catch the flight to Charlotte. In the exchange with the oh-so-helpful flight attendant we found out that the city controller in Phoenix had been called and he’s the one holding our flight for these two guys. First off, what the fuck is a city controller doing getting in the way of a flight from taking off? Secondly, what is a city controller? And thirdly, when I was late I was told tough luck. When these guys are late, the 121 passengers are told tough luck. Does that make sense? Just because they are pilots does that instantly give them the right to jeopardize the connecting flights of the 21 to Charlotte. I paid for my ticket so don’t I have seniority? OK, clarification, I didn’t actually pay for my ticket, but someone did and it’s in my name so doesn’t that give me some say? I think so. But again the airlines said “tough luck.” The hypocrisy of the situation is astonishing. Astonishing. We who have paid for our tickets have no rights – we might as well ball up our money and throw it at each other.

Did I mention we were flying into a city that lies in the path of a hurricane? Did I mention that I hate flying? Did I mention that the person to the right of me and the person to the left of me are both snoring and I can hear them through the dangerously loud music playing through my headphones? Did I mention that I believe the seats have been crammed closer to each other and I feel like a piece of meet placed in a vacuum sealed bag?

It’s now 1:30, I have no idea how long this flight is and since everyone is trying to sleep and I’m the asshole with the exceptionally bright screen blaring – and hurting my eyes at the same time – I think I should end soon. So, let’s recap real quick: Air travel is for the birds!

Truth and Lies

2006-08-29T02:53:00.000-07:00

It's about 3am. I cannot sleep and I cannot focus enough to learn my lines. I am caught in a quandary. To name names or disclose places would cause a world of hurt so I'll maintain generality. I have to make a decision. Well, that's not entirely true. I've made the decision but now I have to act upon it. And the action of the decision is what codifies it and completes it. So I have not fully made the decision. Certain arguments are so persuasive that I find it hard to focus on what must be done. Therefore I find myself in a state of inaction and not fully completing the decision making processes. To do so can cause problems. In actual fact the problems were already caused because one party involved who has begun a clandestine relationship with another party involved has spilled a portion of the proverbial beans. It was my bad to sit on specific news necessary to move myself from a state of maybe to a state of action. Why? Fear. I don't want to have to answer questions. In the end I have to think what's best for me. We all do in making any decision that has an impact on what we do with ourselves and our futures. But I like indecision and find indecision to be comforting. Not in a rational sense but in a "that's what I know" sense.

You see, I don't know truth from lies. Promises were made. Statements of intention were put on the table. Many of these intended proclamations were never acted upon or were slowly and cleverly modified until they no longer had a semblance of their original incarnation. With statements from all sides, those directly opposed and those only peripherally associated, I find myself at the whim of feeling when I truly believe I know what must be done. Why not act? Fear. Collateral damage can be significant or it can be minor. But, as stated just moments ago, I know that a shift has already occurred because of that initial party speaking when it wasn't his turn. No blame. I'm sure the impetus to give certain bits of information was for the best. Clear the "maybe" to "decision." For this I have only respect. I am annoyed more with myself for leaving it to the last minute and not acting sooner. But that initial party has had an odd behavior around me. As if he is hiding something. A something I suspected and has now been unintentionally handed to me. I hate that I have this information. I don't want it. If I could I'd give it back, but it doesn't work that way. Whether it was meant for me or not, whether it was leaked innocently or not, whether it was my intention to have someone confirm what I thought does not matter. It sits there and the cup of lies floweth over.

These, however, are not the only lies that flow. Our second party, the one casting the proclamations, has not, from what I can gather in this moment, uttered a single truth in our relationship. The utterances are many and, at times, exactly what I want to hear, but these spoken bits never seem to come to fruition. So I find myself confronting a direct lie only to be met with a story of clandestine operations. A bit preposterous but not so much that it couldn't be true. On further examination, later and in the privacy of another space, I find the story tipping the scales and spilling onto the floor.

So many lies. Most inferred and easily denied as never having been spoken. But I fear the consequences of the actions taken by both these parties. One will be hurt more than the other when the opportunity presents itself; when one's use is no longer needed. For I fear a leaching is occurring, and with a leach sometimes burning is necessary to remove it. I hope our initial party is strong enough to wake up soon and see what is lying beside him.

But the fear is also extended to my future. A selfish statement, sure, but true nonetheless. Our second party could, potentially, cause problems out of spite. And spite is a reality with this party. I must, then, tread lightly into the action that is to occur. I must tread lightly forward and hold fast to my knowingness staying away from the sweet aroma of hollow promises. Too much time has been spent around that perfume and now is the time to cap the bottle and find out what it is like to breathe fresh air.

Blood on the sheets

2006-08-28T10:29:00.000-07:00

No, this is not a story of innocence lost or some raunchy "that time of the month" sex story. Dear lord, get your minds out of the gutter. The title did get your attention though, huh?

So, I woke up the other morning and saw a little drop of blood on my white sheets - up around where my shoulders would be. At first I thought it was just a spot, maybe a balled up piece of cat hair, something inconsequential. I go about my business and the thought didn't really enter my mind again until I woke up the next day and saw it afresh. At this point I stopped and really took note of what it was, a drop of blood. A drop of life, one might say. What concerned me about the whole thing was that it was just a drop. You would think if you were bleeding there would be more. Understand, I'm not asking for a pool of blood. A pool of blood would have been bad. Very bad. But a single drop? And from where? I looked, there were no open wounds. No fresh scabs.

Recently, I worked on a new TV show, Jericho, and had to shave my head, chest and arms. No, I wasn't playing a bald transvestite. I was playing a victim of radiation poisoning. A very cool show and a very cool part. Tune in - Jericho, CBS, Wednesdays 8pm. OK, enough of the shameless plugs.

The reason I bring this up is because of nasty little things known as ingrown hairs. Women know about this. Gay men know about this. Your typical car mechanic knows nothing about this, unless he is a gay man or a woman. I now have a much greater respect for the shaving, waxing and removal of unwanted hair. I also have a greater understanding of the discomfort associated with said unwanted hair growing back in. Oy. But this what we do for our art. We change and adjust in order to become something or someone else. Fun. Weird at times, but fun. The part on Jericho seems to follow a pattern in my acting career: the guy who gets killed or dies or, more specifically, dies a horrible death. It doesn't make for recurring parts, but boy its fun.

One of the first jobs I had was playing Rhona Mitra's (know for Boston Legal and Da Ali G movie) boyfriend on Party of Five. I didn't die per say, but she was fucking Scott Wolf's character behind my back and a little part of me died when I found out. That was the beginning and it only went down hill from there - a figure of speech more than a statement of fact. Cut to Threat Matrix - played a middle Eastern terrorist who got plastic surgery to become white and blow up the Chicago Commodities Exchange. I was blown up in a bomb truck at the end of the episode. I wasn't coming back on that show. 5 years later, or so, I ran into someone on that show. She was dead sure we had met or worked together. I couldn't remember and with a girl like that I think I'd remember. Turns out she remembered me from that show and said I was the best part of it and they should have spent the entire series looking for me. Nice words. It meant a lot to me. But it wasn't to be - I died and the show eventually got cancelled for a myriad reason. It's ok, the exec producer went on to be the driving force behind the little known phenomenon Desperate Housewives. And yet, I've never been on the show or had an audition... interesting. Apparently he didn't share the sentiment as this young actress.

CSI - died of an overdose of sugar, drugs, alcohol and sex. Nice way to go, very fun to shoot. Very fun.

My piece de résistance was a little short film that looks like it will never see the light of day: "The Disappeared." I got to play a Russian mathematician who got abducted in Chile while solo camping, was abducted and tortured to death by an psychotic ex-Nazi. True story. Acted my balls off and killed in it. I must call the director and find out what's going on with is.

So, when you think about it, a little drop of blood on a white sheet is nothing more than a drop of blood on a sheet. But I say we make it a symbol of my career. The image that translates my good fortune to play people who lack such a virtue. The image that translates my passion for the darkness that can only be seen by the light that surrounds it. The image that translates the unceasing nature of this industry's desire to either see me dead or kill me off. The image that could be nothing more than an ingrown hair that has been scratched and the scab fell off in the middle of the night allowing a small amount of blood to be discharged from my skin and adhere to the white cotton sheets bellow.

I think it's probably the last since I don't really believe in symbols. But I'm not going to complain if this fachachta industry wants to keep killing me off, 'casue I'm going to be laughing all the way to the bank.

Procrastination be damned

2006-08-26T17:21:00.000-07:00

I've been known to procrastinate from time to time. Yes, it's true. I know it's hard to believe, but I too succumb to the wiles of sitting on my ass and doing nothing. Or sitting on my ass and watching TV when I should be learning the entire part of Master Page for a production of Merry Wives of Windsor I am doing in a week and 2 days.

TANGENT: Recently my dear friend called looking to find a NY actor to fill the spot left vacant by another mutual "friend" who had agreed to do a part in his play but bailed at the last minute. I racked my brain but came up short. When I heard the play and the part - one I played many years ago - I volunteered myself. Good idea or bad idea, the jury is currently out. I was then given a larger part so that my friend could play the smaller part and focus on directing. Cool. I've always been a bit of a complainer when it came to the size of my role so now I've been given the opportunity to stretch my wings and fly. Awesome. And I have a weekend to learn the role then getting 3 days of rehearsal and do the show once. No complaints, just mildly inconvenient to have to learn the entire play in a weekend. I'll be posting to let you know how that went...

Back to the procrastination rant. So, while I should be learning my lines right now or listening to a lecture and not writing this I am reminded of how technology is supposed to help us and not hinder us. HA HA HA... Technological problems have become the new form of procrastination. I have had all my computers crash on me in the last month. Two of the three essentially in the same week. So what does that make me? A magnet for tech support? I think so. Deep down I think I am paying for the previous blog and being sent to "we are experiencing extremely high call volume" land.

The first was the Mac. Macs don't crash, their crash proof! Well, not a whole truth. While my Mac didn't crash it was mysteriously loosing available free space on the hard drive. Such that a 100 gig hard drive with about 70 gigs of info on it only had 252 megs of free space. To educate you on the danger of this, when the hard drive has no available free space it is unable to run key processes that are vital to it's proper functioning. When it can no longer function properly, well it goes straight to hell in a hand basket taking everything with it. So the solution from the genius' at the genius bar was to wipe the hard drive and reinstall everything and, then, see what happens. Joy. We did that. I haven't had the wherewithal to pay attention to the free space because for the last 4 days I've been in reinstall limbo. Sometimes the programs work sometimes they don't and that means, yup you guessed it, more customer support! Christ I've talked to everyone and spent about 15 hours either in person or on the phone for the Mac. That's just the Mac. The next step, if this archive and install (as they call it) doesn't work is to demand a new computer! I swear... 15 hours. Remember that.

On to the PC. Dell is not so well oiled a machine as Mac. Either because they are larger and pay less attention to the consumer or because they are lager and pay less attention to the consumer. Either way, they are larger and pay less attention to the consumer. And they outsource to India which, no offense, makes communicating a problem that much more difficult when dealing with the ever present If/Then scenario computer system they use. On a side note have you ever noticed that all the tech people in India are named Mike or Tom or Andy. They are so not Mike or Tom or Andy. Just an observation.

Well, it began as a small crash and a screen saying "if you are seeing this for the first time restart your computer blah blah blah." So I restarted my computer. Then Go Back - a program designed to help prevent loss of information in the event of a crash - tells me that it has shut the computer down because a problem has occurred and I should restart the computer and then reinstall Go Back. Huh? Well, I did that and all seemed OK. Then this started happening over and over and over again. So I decided to see if I was still under warrantee. Yup! Thank God at least I won't have to pay for... What the fuc...? That would be the screen going completely insane. Mosaic tiles of pretty purple and blue. Psychedelic patterns that remind me of the acid trips I never took. Well, we're definitely calling Del now. So I did. I mentioned the problem with the hard drive but we got way into the screen issue. That ended (4 hours later) with a tech being called to replace the video card and the screen. OK what about the hard drive... exactly.

The next day the screen was working again. Joy. The tech, Mario, was scheduled to come but didn't. Called me late in the day and told me he couldn't make it until late the next day. Crap. But it's working now so not so so bad. Well, that's when the screen went again. Back on the phone with Dell. With the screen gone he couldn't remotely access my computer to fix it and run diagnostics from his end. More time wasted. Finally it was left that the computer video card and screen needed to be replaced and then he would call me on Monday between 3 and 5. That phone call was 3 1/2 hour and the tech visit was 2 hours.

I went to turn the computer on today and I got a blue screen right off the bat "un-mountable volume." For the layman, that means YOUR COMPUTER IS FUCKED AND I REALLY HOPE YOU BACKED UP ALL YOUR INFO CAUSE ITS GONE!!! Well, I can't wait for that phone call from Dell on Monday.

I pose the question again, who needs to procrastinate when they have computer problems? I was unable to do any work. None, but man did I play a lot of FreeCell while waiting for the computer to boot up - 10 to 15 minutes a pop. A computer should take no longer than 2 minutes, really. So, Tech support in my opinion has become the modern procrastination. That and blogging.

The upside of all this is one of my bosses called me today asking if a new computer would solve my problems. Well, a new office computer will definitely solve my office problems, however, it will not in any form or fashion solve the fact that I have an un-mountable drive in my personal computer that is sitting like a large paper-weight on my office desk. All this means is I have another series of hours awaiting me in the upcoming week with Dell Tech support. Maybe I should give up working and become a professional tech support caller. Yeah, that's what I'll do. Because Tech support is so much fun and so helpful and so time efficient.

To all you who think that computers have made our lives easier I say, sit down and shut up. Easier is not the word I'd use.

Spiders

2006-08-03T00:12:00.000-07:00

I moved recently. Now that's nothing special, really. When you think about it moving sucks, but we have to do it from time to time in order to better our living condition and/or maintain a stabile head space. I have moved 3 times in the last 3 years. That is 3 times too many. A young woman I have just been getting to know has not moved since moving to LA. 11 years. Now that's impressive. I've been here 8 years and moved 6 times. I'd like to not move anymore... If that's ok.

To my point. A part of moving is loosing things you didn't really need and acquiring things left by the previous tenant. Well, aside from a handy dandy little kitchen side table and some curtains I acquired spiders. And a lot of them. One in particular has made its home under the light outside my front door. Prime real estate for a spider. This little spider has been my companion for the last month. I have kind of gotten used to his presence and I always stop to see what new bug he's caught and what he's up to.

Well two things have happened recently. 1) I found out he is a she and she just had a shit load of little ones and 2) she caught a butterfly. 1) is annoying and ultimately just going to be a mess. 2) is very very very uncool. Butterflies are beautiful and this little cunt of a spider has been sucking the life and the color out of him.

When I came home the other night I saw the butterfly next to my door. In vein I tried to capture the little guy to get him away from the web and the light. That didn't work and our beautiful little friend started to flutter all over the place - specifically toward the light. So I turned it off and, hoping for the best, went inside. Well, this morning the unthinkable had become a reality: the butterfly was becoming spider food.

At that moment the spider, my new 8 leg companion, became my enemy. I have put up with walking through her fellow spider's webs as I walked up my walk way. I have put up with the bug carcasses on the ground. I have put up with the fact that she's a spider. Now THE BITCH IS GOING DOWN! And her little kids are going with her. It's time to ship out little fucker.

I know. I know. Never kill a spider it's bad luck. If you have spiders you have a clean house. I've heard it all and, while I'm a superstitious type person, at this moment I DON"T CARE! You don't fuck with the butterflies, damn it!

So there you have it. Spider that was once my friend is now no longer and has to be eliminated.

If you screw with the beautiful things in this life you are no friend of mine.

E is for Egypt.

2006-07-30T21:46:00.000-07:00

It has been brought to my attention that the "E" in "BFE" stands for "Egypt." As in "Bum Fuck Egypt." This proves you - or more specifically I - can learn something new. Today the incoherent ramblings of the mostly uniformed has become a bit more coherent and a bit more informed. See... change is possible.

Thank you Michelle.

witty repartee and my iPod

2006-07-30T16:37:00.000-07:00

One thing I have always wanted was the ability to have quick witty repartee. You know, the ability to come up with that zinger, that one-liner that puts all to shame. OK, not shame, but makes you feel that you are the one with the highest IQ in the room and no one, no one, can touch you.

I've never been that guy. The closest I've come is being the brunt of that guy's rapier parry to position 3 slice. For those of you who are not sword wielders or trained by the Society of American Fight Directors to wield a rapier or dagger that means the piercing jabs of verbal and intellectual giants - at least in their minds.

I'm a smart guy. I know this. It's been corroborated by various IQ tests and my mother's insistence. But smart versus quick... which would you choose? Maybe it's my desire to be liked that finds me leaning toward quick? All the great improv actors are quick. All the great debaters and public speakers have been quick. Mind you they have all been real smart as well. Uh... can I request to be smart and quick or has that option gone the way of the dodo?

Regardless, I'm still working on this industrial and some of the guys I'm working with are real quick. Real quick. the reason I bring it up. If I were a sensitive man - ok more sensitive than I am - I'd probably take their quips serious and feel left out in the cold while they played in the cabin of fun's warmth. Right - really bad writing and really stupid visual metaphor. So, that's that and right about now I'm wondering why I write these things. In the end what does it really matter what anyone thinks. We all have our charm, well, most of us anyway. And that charm, or uniqueness, or whatever you want to call it is what makes us who we are. That and social constraint as well as parental view points hammered in at a young age. And don't leave out the indomitable nature of the human spirit, our innate self. Change is possible, but at the base of it all we are who we are and that's all good. So, maybe it isn't a question of smart versus quick. Maybe I should just realize I'm quick enough and let it go. Yes. I think that's what I'm going to do.

_______________________________________________________________________________

Earlier today, while waiting in my little 4 x 8 box of a trailer, I started going through songs on my iPod in order to create the perfect playlist. Yes I am that bored. While rooting around and choosing songs I realized that I have a subscription to a friend's podcast. He's a very cool guy, great actor and great writer. I found, as I was listening to his two latest podcasts, that i had two questions bouncing around in my mind. the first being: where does he come up with this stuff and does he write it or just shoot from the hip. and the second question: He just had jaw surgery, how the hell is he doing these podcasts? Now, I am sure if I really wanted to know the answers to either of these questions I could just pick up the phone and call him. I don't because that's the easy way out. I like the speculating and coming up with my own answers and making them truth. So back to point A. My buddy is a writer. a good one, and every week he has a new topic he is talking about. Each of these podcasts last about 4 minutes and leave you sort of looking up and making a "hmm" sound quietly to yourself. They aren't statements to change the world, their musings. Hence the name of his podcast "The Mineralava Musings."

Each week there is something new. Each week I quietly go "hmmm" to myself. That's impressive. That's something I have thought of doing. Well, OK, technically I am doing it by writing these blogs, but the point is he's doing it and not ranting or asking stupid questions. He's observing life and putting his personal view on it. To me, that is very cool. Nothing more nothing less. Very cool. My buddy is very put together and very good at moving himself in the direction he wants to go in. In essence he may be the modern example of what a jobbing actor is - he makes his living doing it, administers brilliantly, knows his casting and knows what he wants to have in the end. While doing all this he is not obsessed with the need to have the career and lives a rather sane and happy life. Who can say that about their life, really?

As I stated before - I have never talked to him about any of this so it is all conjecture. But, with conjecture comes a paradigm to which one can hope to surpass. In essence this guy has become a stabile image of what I am looking to achieve. Whether he is truly happy or truly content or truly miserable or truly anything other than what he is, the image I have created enables me to say "look there is something in life that is achievable." We can all say I want to be the next DiNiro or I want to be the next Brando or the next insert-a-celebrity-name-here. And that's all good. But is it really achievable? Let's look around at the people we know who are happy - or seemingly happy - and say what have they accomplished to achieve that state. Because a wise man once said happy is not a state to be sought after, instead one should look to what they can accomplish and happiness will be the byproduct of the job well done.

So go forth young grasshopper and look to what you can achieve. The possibilities are limitless and out there waiting for the picking. Oh to truly live like that. A consummation devoutly to be wished.

same shoot different tarmac

2006-07-29T12:17:00.000-07:00

The funny thing about the film and television world is that nothing is what it appears to be. Yesterday I was out in the 124 degree heat for 13 hours. OK, that's not entirely true. I was in 98 degree and later 110 degree heat for maybe a total of 2 hours but in the actual sun for 20 total minutes. I was sitting in a trailer with luke-warm air-conditioning for most of the day. So I never really experienced the 124 degree heat. That, however, is not the point. The point is that I'm shooting an industrial for Toyota and we are almost exclusively using airports. The tarmac of the Inyokern airport, a hanger at the Santa Monica airport: these all double for some other place. The same shoot, different tarmac. In the end they are going to splice together the two locations into one and make it look like some top-secret Toyota testing facility. The irony of that is we were shooting in the shadow of the China Lake Naval testing facility. One of the shining accomplishments of this facility is the construction of "Fat Man" - the plutonium implosion device that was dropped on Nagasaki. Yeah, nuclear bombs! Yippie! Kazam! Wa hooo! One fictional testing facility in the desert oh so close to the genuine article.

We all know that nothing is what it seems to be in Hollywood. Hell, Hollywood isn't what it seems to be. To quite my friend Rebecca Metz - LA is just a grand backdrop, nothing's real in the city, it's all fake.

There's a statement that passes for a bad joke – nobody's actually from LA. To that end, even the trees are transplants. Palm trees are not indigenous to southern California. They were brought from Miami. Yup.

This industrial is not what it seems to be. It is Toyota’s way of saying “our truck is better than your truck.” But it isn’t an independent test, it’s a rigged shoot to make the crimson Tacoma come out shinning ahead! They even put that cool spray on the tires to make them sparkle. The other trucks didn’t get the cool spray. But in the end it can’t be false advertising, right? I think the jury is out on that one. This isn’t a commercial, it’s an in-house 20 minute film. So really they can say anything they want and, well, that’s that.

Toyota is sparing no expense, either. This Industrial is going to have some big has-been names. I think if I were to mention them I'd be sued so I'll wait until the thing hits the internet before I say anymore. The idea is cute, but trite – typical Hollywood. The script was probably written by committee, which translates to watered down drivel that is attempting to appeal to the widest demographic possible, which translates to watered down drivel. But it's an Industrial and not some great work of art so let's just leave it be and not speak ill of it any more than I have. In fact, I summarily take back all I've written because they are paying me well and I don't want it to seem as though I am complaining. I am not. I am very happy to have this job. Especially since I've heard we may be moving into an extra day of shooting!

A job is a job is a job. This business is very good and very bad. A painter is critiqued based on technique and aesthetics - but always on something that they produce. An actor is the painting is the actor so the critique - and more specifically, the criticism - is personal. It is a hard job especially for the jobbing actor who lives paycheck to paycheck - most working actors in the business. The mass majority are waiters or bookstore clerks For the select few who are getting paid the astronomical salaries this does not apply. They are critiqued, and sometimes harshly, but in the end, if they have invested well they are going to be able to pay the mortgage and take care of their kids college funds.

I will continue to work on the same shoot but different tarmac as long as I am able. Each shoot, each show, each film and each play are the same shoot, different tarmac. All fun, all exciting, all new and all full of their own difficulties. So in the end there is nothing I'd rather be doing that sitting here and getting paid to do what I love to do for 20 minutes in the blaring heat of the Inyokern airport located in the midst of the Mojave Desert. I have to head now because I'm needed on set.

FREE WHAT??!?!

2006-07-27T22:58:00.000-07:00

I just had to write something about this because when does this ever happen? Of course, the more important question is when do I ever travel to experience this phenomenon?

OK. So this month's been good to me. I got a couple of mild sized residual checks from First Daughter, I worked 4 days on a new show Lincoln Heights, one day on a new show Standoff and, now, three days on a Toyota Industrial. This has afforded me the ability to buy air conditioners for my apartment, new motorcycle gloves, a new motorcycle jacket and a season subscription to the Geffen Playhouse. And, hell I can pay my rent! I'm a simple guy with simple needs. But the kicker to this month was found mere moments ago...

Right now I am in Inyokern. I think that's where I am. At least that's what the airport is called. Basically I'm 40 miles north of Mojave. 150 miles north of LA - just a stone throw away from the China Lake Naval Weapons base. A moment please... what the fuck is a naval base doing in the middle of the desert? Right. Thought so. Oh, and I accidentally drove onto the base - the guards, not the happiest bunch. Anyhow, middle of nowhere California and staying at the Carriage Inn. Nice place. Actually, really nice for the middle of nowhere - I was going to write middle of BFE, but it dawned on me that I have no idea what the “E” stands for.

Well, sitting at the little desk of the room of the Carriage Inn and what do I find?

Wait for it...

Wait for it...

FREE INTERNET ACCESS!!!

Yup. It's the simple things in life that really get me going. Free internet access. How cool is that? And why did I bring my computer? How much of a geek am I?

Well, there you have it. A blog posting about nothing. This really is the incoherent ramblings of the mostly uninformed.

Off to bed to wake up in 5 hours to sit outside in the hot desert sun for 12 hours as "analyst #7." There are only 7. I don't know what the hierarchy is or if there is one, but 7 out of 7? Dude why couldn't I be like #2 or #4. I feel like the kid at school who got picked last for the team. Wait. Never mind that. They're paying me. I don't care anymore.

With Friends like these...

2006-07-26T23:51:00.000-07:00

I will not name names and I will not reference professions. Just so we have that clear I will now launch into a most disconcerting experience. You know that saying "with friends like these, who needs enemies?" Well, my God. With friends like these who needs enemies indeed.

Last Saturday I played the first gig I've played in 5 years. I have picked up my guitar and played here and there. Mostly to my TV during boring shows. But in public, not so much. Once upon a time I had a regular Sunday night show at a local restaurant. That ended and the restaurant changed hands. Surprisingly, after the possession change the restaurant became popular and is now one of those Hollywood hotspots on Saturday and Sunday mornings. But I digress... Back to last Saturday.

Remember this: I haven't played in public for five years.

So I got this gig through a guy on myspace who found my page and asked me if I'd like to do 30 minutes in an acoustic showcase. I said yes, of course, because why own a $3000 guitar if you're not going to play it. I sent out my cards I cajoled my friends I invited two girls my parents met in Aspen white water rafting. In all I must have hit somewhere in the range of 1200 people - I have access to a very large e-mail database. Many of these people I haven't spoken in a long time. One in particular is a pretty big man on campus in his chosen profession, very good at what he does. He called me 20 minutes before I went on stage and told me he'd be there. He was actually one of the last I expected to show, but, hey, great! I like him he's a good guy and I'd love to get his opinion on the music.

So I thought.

Well, I introduced him to an ex, got distracted and then I was up! He sat in the front, next to the girl and even bought her a drink. My other friends (numbering in the 20s or so) were all surrounding me and were listening with rapt attention. I played my heart out. Some told me it was the best I played and the best I sounded. Two friends were speechless and one went so far to say "I knew you were good, but I didn't know you were that good." A returned compliment that I had given her.

But where was the "friend" in question when it was all over? I saw him get up at some point between the last two songs. Oh well, I didn't really think about it. The thought came back a little while later so I called and left him a message. "Hey, I missed you, hope you liked it, give me a call."

OK, I'm going to take a moment here to state something I don't normally put down in writing or say out loud: I was very good that night. Probably the best I've been in a while. I rehearsed and it paid off.

Well, I went out and got drunk with my friends, had some sushi and went home very satisfied with the night. In all, very successful.

The next day I went about my business, did laundry, fixed another friends computer and even had a voice over audition. At that audition I got a message from said "friend." "Hey, I was there. I had to leave. I'll tell you why. I just had to. If you want, give me a call." Or something like that. So when I got out of the audition I called. And well, what followed was rather unexpected.

He answered the phone "What do you want?"
"It's Adam. I'm returning your call."
"Fine, I'm hung over and I have to go to the circus today." it was 2:30pm.
"Well, that sounds like fun." Sarcasm, see?
"You're probably going to tell me to go fuck myself, but..." and the rest was 15 minutes of virulent, suppressive, bile-laden verbal berating unlike any I have ever experienced. I was told I was over rehearsed and it was offensive to the audience. I was told that he was so angry watching me play that he wanted to get up and throttle me. I was told I should just play the songs and not fuck them up by performing them for other people. "Just play the songs" was repeated over and over throughout the diatribe. It was asked of me "who the fuck do you think you are?" Because I'm no Rolling Stones or other band that is of quality. Then, and this is the kicker, he brought up a one man show I did last year. At the end of the show I did a question and answer session. "Who the fuck do you think you are? The show was the most pretentious piece of shit I've ever seen. I mean what the fuck was with the Q & A? Who do you think you are? DiNiro? You're not that good and you’ll probably never be." Or something like that.

"Friend." Right?

I asked him why he didn't tell me about the show before. He didn't really have an answer.

So, in the end I was left with that. A successful big wig in his chosen profession mercilessly tore me apart for no other reason than he could. As I see it, the vehemence with which he went after me was fueled by the year of not saying what he wanted to say, but regardless of unspoken communications, this guy is so wrong it isn't funny. So wrong. Did I mention he's an alcoholic, drug addict who dates married women and wonders why he's miserable all the time? No wonder I got the short straw with him. I was being brought down to his level of mediocrity so that he could live one more day in a world that has no light and no enthusiasm. A world beset by war and violence where most people are looking or how they can capitalize on it as opposed to end it. He's a very unhappy individual. We'll leave it at that.

I wish him no ill, just that he wakes up one day and desires to change his state. Do I think it will happen? No. But that doesn't stop me for wishing it on him.

Now, please don't mistake that last statement for altruism. I hope he finds all that, but only right before he gets hit by a bus.

With friends like these, indeed.

Again with the customer service

2006-07-04T23:44:00.000-07:00

I think it’s me, I really do. Or customer service is so bad that the whole world is just apathetic about it and cannot deal. Since I'm paranoid I'll go with the first. That gives me a little more faith in mankind.

A major telephone company in Southern California that was just bought out by the company that was broken up in the early eighties for having a monopoly on the telecommunications and who shall remain nameless is now the new bane of my existence. Since I just moved I figured I'd be smart and call ahead to have my service hooked up by the time I was settled in as opposed to moving and waiting a week. 2 weeks early I called. The service was to be set up on the 1st and DSL ready to go on the 3rd. The 1st came and went, so did the 2nd and there was no dial tone. So on morning of the 3rd I called their 800 number and that's where the fun began. It began with the automated guy who asks questions to better direct your call but never understands what you're saying and always asks you to repeat yourself. Oh, he sounds friendly, but when you have him ask the same question over and over and over again with no change in his oh-so cheery inflection it can become down-right maddening. That lead to being bounced around to 7 different people all in different departments none of which communicates with the other. The final person actually tried to be helpful. He got another a technician liaison on the phone and I had 2 people telling my service wasn't going to be turned on any time soon, at the same time! 1 hour, one minute and 40 seconds later I was getting off the phone with no solution to my problem. I was told that someone could come on Wednesday - 4 days after it was supposed to be hooked up.

Well, I got off the phone after yelling a bit and trying to understand how I was going to be penalized for someone else's mistake - the technician came, couldn't find the junction box and left without giving me the courtesy of a note. So I called back after I left the meeting I was late to - this was 1 hour later - and a nice woman, probably in her late 40s informed me that no one could hook up my service until Friday and there was no one who could change that. So I asked to speak to a manager. She told me one could call me back but that won't help. In fact no one in the company could change the hook up date. There was no one I could talk to and no one who could help me. BIG COMPANY little person. That's right, the company owns us and there's nothing we can do about it. That was the message this 40 something lady was imparting to me. Well, suffice it to say there was a bit of yelling on my part.

I figured I'd call a technician directly - one who had helped me with my boss' phone. He offered to look into it but made no promises to being able to hook up the phone line. A prince among men, truly. I mean this sincerely because my friend the technician called me the next day and sadly he was unable to help me directly, but he "reminded" me of the manager's direct number and wished me the best.

Long story not so short - the manager sent someone out to me today and will most likely push my order through business affairs to have the dial tone turned on. So a silver lining by the names of German, Dennis and James. None of which work for customer service and all of which were truly helpful.

Customer service is designed to keep you in a loop so long you get frustrated and give up. The more automated the service the more likely you're going to say "fuck it" and apathetically deal with your problem. You'll no doubt be frustrated at first, but that will pass and you can look forward to drooling on yourself and sitting in a pile of your own filth. This is what the big corporations, the big companies, are hoping for. I'm sure there is a room of older gentlemen who all sit around and wonder how they can create more money and less work. Customer Service seems to be the 1st place they looked and the days of a person who takes pride in his work talking to you and genuinely helping you find what you're looking for are long gone. You'll be lucky to even get a person. And if they are sitting in America and not in some distant land with a computer screen giving them a set of if/then situations consider yourself lucky. The truth of the matter is it will only get worse unless someone finds a way to change the current trend moving away from person to person communication. Pretty soon we won't have the random person sitting waiting for the poor schmuck who braved the Minotaur maze of automation. Pretty soon, if we're so unlucky, it will all me automation made to sound like the cheerful helpful soul of a time long gone.

Beware. The likelihood of companies looking to run your life is high and in most cases may already be happening.

Technology, Shmechnology

2006-06-21T19:27:00.000-07:00

How many of you out there have had to call customer service? Right. Now how many of you have had to call Microsoft's customer service? Yup. Well, we all know that customer service, especially in the tech industry, is by and large outsourced to India. Or Pakistan. But that's not the point. The point is customer service and time. Did you know that these people have no idea what they are talking about. None. Absolutely no idea. They are dealing with an "if/then" set of scenarios that are listed on a grand help page in the sky. And this isn't just Microsoft, its all the damn customer service people. What happened to people wanting to learn something, becoming expert at it and then being there to help their fellow traveler down the oh-so-bumpy road of technology?

You're probably still stuck on the "if/then" scenario thing. Well, that basically means that if this happens then you do this. And on and on and on and on and on and on and on and... you get the point.

This is why when all else fails you are told: "OK, well, we are going to have to wipe the hard drive and reinstall the system software. I'll wait." WE? Who the hell are we? There is no WE in a hard drive wipe and system reinstall. There is only me. And it only happens at 3am and it is a very very very lonely experience. So thank you but no thank you. At no point should you ever be told to wipe the hard drive with the words "I'll wait" following. In fact at no point should you ever have to wipe the hard drive. That's the last resort answer in the "if/then" scenarios. And, just like a choose your own adventure novel, all scenarios except one will lead to that answer.

Getting back to the title of this post. Last I checked technology is supposed to be a help to us, not a hindrance. One would think, right? For example, first there was a piece of rock used to etch scratches into a wall leading to some guy cutting himself and realizing he could use the blood to make the same marks, only without so much force. He unfortunately died because of premature blood loss. But his friend saw what was happening while eating a pomegranate and thought, "wait, this is red I think I can do what he's doing without the unfortunate side effect of death." Well, jump time to a guy with the wherewithal to put said ink in a tube and make it so you could write with it - the birth of the pen - which lead to the ink being put on a stripe and being hit with keys to make a mark on a piece of paper - the birth of the typewriter - which then lead to the inkless machines we use today called computers. Perhaps a slightly simplified overview of the birth of computers, but a pretty sound one if you ask me. Nonetheless, each innovation was to make life easier. But at some point each innovation came with a learning curve. And each learning curve called for someone with expertise to teach or explain how the new technology worked. And each time there needed to be more and more expertise until some schmuck thought "hey, why train these people I'll write it all down and that way there'll be a record of how to do it." Actually, not a bad idea. But with the increasing refinements came increasing difficulty and suddenly in order to get a simple calculation of 4+5=9 you had to go through a room full of vacuum tubes and put a frickin' punch card into a slot and wait ten minutes. BUT IT DID THE CALCULATION, DAMN IT! And there was someone standing on the sideline with a book 6 inches thick explaining how to put said punch card in said slot to get said answer of 9.

If you ask me we should go back to the rock on the wall.

Well, we can't so we have the fun of Internet Explorer ceasing to connect to the internet. Now, this wouldn't really be a problem, normally. In fact I'm not the biggest fan of Internet Explorer. But certain programs like Norton Firewall or Norton Antivirus need to use it. Ah, here's where technology becomes schmechnology. And the irony has the "i" dotted. 3 hours on the phone to India and we found that The very program that was needing Internet Explorer to fix the problem was creating the problem it needed to fix in the first place. Huh? Yes. The Antivirus software was having a technical difficulty and asked me to connect to the internet to solve the problem. I did so with a, in my opinion, far superior browser, Netscape. I clicked on all the right links and, low-and-behold, I was told the next step would only work if using IE (Internet Explorer). So, like the dutiful computer user I am I clicked on the icon and got... nothing. Yup. That's why I called Microsoft. And 3 hours and a degree in computer science later I removed the Norton software from the computer and, magically, IE (as we now call it) worked!

"If/then." Remember that.

I didn't need to go through a registry reinstall of every .dll. I don't even know what that means. All I had to do was uninstall the program. COULDN'T HE HAVE TOLD ME THAT FIRST??!?!??!?!?

Apparently not.

So I lost a portion of my life that I'll never ever ever get back. At least I didn't have to wipe the hard drive and reinstall. Not like when I couldn't figure out why my DVDRW drive didn't work. Turns out I didn't have the right disks. But that didn’t stop the lady "helping me" from getting pissy and telling me the only way to solve the problem was to wipe and reinstall. To which I told her, in no uncertain terms to wipe and reinstall.

So, the lesson of the day. Technology doesn't save time. It just gives the appearance of saving time. Just count how many hours a day you wait for your computer to finish "thinking about something" or how long it takes for the ATM to give you your money or how long it takes for that damn door to open at the bank. You'll see then we're all better off using rocks.

2006-06-21T19:16:00.000-07:00

Technorati Profile

control

2006-06-20T00:25:00.000-07:00

Funny thing control. We all want it is some form or another. Actually, when you really think about it, no matter what you do at some point you must exact control over something. Your car, your dog, your friends alcohol abuse, your future, your career, your... you get the point. That is good control. When you take an action that leads to something being done for the benefit of your future.

Then there is bad control. I'm not going to list all the bad control, it may make you the unknown reader explode. But let's take a look at a couple specific examples of bad control.

1) The United States' view on other countries having the right to make decisions for themselves. Bad control.

2) The need for a "boy friend" to constantly put down his "girl friend" in order to maintain some semblance of power over her. I use quotation marks because it could be they are just friends, lovers, ex-lovers or gluttons for punishment that never let go because they can't forge out on their own to truly be real people. The symbiotic need to be pathetic overwhelms them and dictates their every move. Bad control on the aggressors part because he has to exert force in order to have a place in this world. Bad control on the submissive's part because she has to suck the life force of some poor schmuck in order to have meaning.

3) The need to only date people who are fucking crazy so that you can feel in a position of power thereby making yourself feel big while you attempt to make someone who is, again, fucking crazy more sane. It never happens. They stay crazy and in the process you become a little crazier yourself. Bad control on the "helpers" part because the "helpee" is useless and will siphon off all life force and leave the "helper" wondering why everyone he dates is a loon why he's so tired all the time.

So what do these have in common. They use control incorrectly. And they are stupid. Now, let's examine #2. WHY DOES THE STUPID ONE STAY AND TAKE SHIT FROM THE AGGRESSOR? And age old question. Mommy didn't breast feed. Daddy used the belt one too many times. She's possessed by a demon. Or worse she's possessed with the need to be told what to do at all times and cannot function without someone doing so. I have friends like this. In fact, being closely related to #3, I have ex-girlfriends like this. By I digress. At some point the symbiotic person needs to shut up and live their life. They will act out on occasion and give the appearance of taking steps toward a fruitful and productive life, but they are lying to themselves and others. They are liars. Inevitably they come crawling back to be beaten down one more time for old time's sake. They use sex as a ploy to pull in the all too willing emotional assailant. Then a day or two go by and the guy who thought he had written the whole fucked relationship off wonders why he is on the phone at 1 in the morning handling the girl on the same issue he's handled her on 6,000,000 times before. Statements like, "you need to stop talking now" and "shut up" and "You're not listening" and "yes I do care about you" and "I'm trying to help, do you want me to help or not?" come flowing out like the run-off from a receding glacier.

This form of control is cyclical. They are embroiled in the relationship they cease the relationship they are embroiled in the relationship they cease the relationship - on and on and on ad infinitum.

How do you stop it? A gun. While this may seem a bit extreme or a bad sarcastic joke it does have some root in reality. A gun. Simple tool to put something in its place. Realistically it should be a murder suicide because neither one of these individuals is worth the air they breathe. But let's not look at jail as a happy alternative to the harsh realities of living the daily grind. Metaphorically, the gun is a symbol of finality. Pull out the "gun" and shoot the other person. I don't care how good the fuck or how much they say they love you and will be the only ones to ever love you or if they fuck good IT DOESN"T MATTER. Put the GOD DAMNED METAPHOR BACK IN YOUR PANTS AND HAVE THE BALLS TO STOP CALLING THE BITCH WHO IN THE END IS ONLY LOOKING TO PULL YOU AROUND BY YOUR PENIS AND MAKE YOU LOOK LIKE AN ASSHOLE. Or guy - I've realized I've been very one sided here and not at all PC. Sorry to my copious female readers. SHE IS SUCKING YOUR WILL TO LIVE AND YOU ARE WONDERING WHY YOU KEEP GOING THERE. "Is it love? It must be love." It's not love. And if you're worried your biological clock is ticking away and you have to find someone to settle down with... THIS IS NOT THE ONE! Or she is and you are destined to live a miserable life of trying to tell her what to do and her resenting you for it.

And you thought this was going to be some kind of political statement.

Anyhow, back to the gun. It is a metaphor. It is taking the presents she gave you and throwing them away. It is burning the pictures of her that you keep locked away in your photo albums of yesteryear. It is saying once and for all, with great firmness, I am done and not picking up the phone to call again because this time is going to be different. This time is not going to be different. This time is never different. This time is the same. Time and time again unless YOU do something to change it. The best answer is to walk away and don't look back. Because if you look back you become a salt lick.

The point was control.

You want to have good control that leads you to a better life with cool people who love you and want to see you succeed.

The bad control is a quick ride down the spiral of stupidity and pain that leaves you in a world of hurt.

The choice - as always - is yours. Choose wisely and don't be blinded by the prospect of a good blow job or a screaming orgasm. We all know that sex is better after a fight. But why fight in order to have good sex? I think someone told me once that the best sex they had was when they were fully invested in it, not trying to nail the girl in to the wall.

Nope. Not going to be the best for you in the end. And, you'll get more sleep 'cause you won't be up until 2 am talking yourself off the ledge of sanity.

OK. I'm done. And I hope to God somewhere in this universe someone is hanging up the phone and firing their metaphoric gun.

Hello. Nice to meet you.

2006-06-15T22:16:00.000-07:00

So, here we are. I just have to ask... is anyone actually reading this? If so, do me one favor... e-mail me and let me know.

adam@donshik.com

That's all for now.

adam

2 days after the day

2006-06-14T17:13:00.001-07:00

Ah, birthdays. The one day of the year that I reflect on all I haven't accomplished. Most normal people do this on days like New Years or Christmas or Yom Kippur, but not birthdays. Usually, birthdays are a time to reflect on all the good things that have happened in the last year. It is a time to look at how one has aged, much like a fine wine. But not for me.

I look at birthdays as a marker, much like the rings of trees that tell us all the natural disasters and freak weather patterns through the years. Birthdays are, for lack of a better term, shitty. They are not a celebration. No, they are not. They are a cold slap in the face. A harsh jolt of reality sending shivers down your spin at the realization of all you have not accomplished and all that you are missing in your life.

Dramatic, huh? That's why I'm an actor.

I say this about birthdays because, as stated in an earlier post, I feel that reflection on one's past only leads to seeing what's missing and that can only lead to no good. So what's missing? Not here. Not now. Although no one really reads this thing so what could it hurt? But still no.

Let's just leave it at in a lonely world it is important to surround yourself with people who care. Without them you might find everything moving smoothly for a while. You might find that you're content. But the moment things fall to shit or you get ill those people who call themselves your friend but are not will abandon you and leave you to fend for yourself. So, those people you strive to get to know to make your career better or help you get a little further on the corporate ladder aren't going to be there in the times of need.

This year I got a little party. A small group of friends took me to dinner and then an even smaller group went out to bumble fuck and drove go carts. It was fun. I have not been the best at doing the birthday thing for my friends because of my proclivity toward running and hiding when they come about so I asked my friends why they threw a party for me. They said because it was me. Simply because it was me. The best thing anyone has ever said to me. Period. That' s how you know that no matter where the day takes you and no matter what you do, true friends are hard to come by, but when you get them hold on. You'll know them because they don't ask for anything in return when they give something. They don't make you feel like shit for being you. And, most importantly they have your back. Sure they can be dicks and say stupid things, everyone can. But will everyone be there when you're at your worst?

Something to think about.

So, back to the original point. Birthdays. They suck, that's a given. But maybe they suck so you can see what good might be just outside your field of vision.

Countdown to 32

2006-06-09T00:09:00.000-07:00

Well, where to begin? Today is June 9. Friday. 3 days before I turn 32. Or 65. Again, depending on who you ask or in what frame of mind you catch me in. My big joke is that I am a 65 year old Jew having a nervous breakdown trapped in a ___ year old's body and have been since I was 13 when I had my mid-life crisis and I am now living on borrowed time. Next stop: Chabad House!

Not really funny when you think about it. I was at dinner with my family recently (my parents came to visit) and I made that little joke. My aunt, without missing a beat, chimed in that she was an 18 year old trapped in a 60 year old's body. And, truth be told, she is. At that moment I realized that I had missed a very large part of my life playing "adult" to everyone I have ever known. I was never a teenager and this woman has maintained that state of mind almost her entire life. Now, I don't mean that she is immature or acts like a post-pubescent nihilist. No. She has her moments, but in all she's quite in control of who she is and how she wants to live her life. You have to admire that about her. I don't think I've taken the steps to do so. Why? Don’t know. Actually, that's a lie. I do know, but I don't think I'm going to divulge that here. At least not yet. I can say this though, my world has been one of control. And distance is the best form of control. Cold, a bit. Lonely, at times. But no one's gonna hurt me. Mark my words. No one. That's a lie, it never works.

But back to the point, if there ever was one. 32 in 3 days. My mother and father were both board certified medical doctors by the time they were 30. My brother was working full time with a wife and 2 children by the time he was 30. Any mathematician worth his salt has made a major discovery in his chosen field before he was 30. Hell, Jesus was on his way to be lionized as the king of men by the time he was 30. So what have I accomplished? Good question. But, in the end, it's not about the outward expression of ones life, it's about what he has accomplished for himself. Right? In a perfect world yes. To the repressed middle class that cares about the greenness of their lawns and the annual paycheck with benefits being higher than the neighbors it matter only what one can touch, what one can see. To quote the play I'm in "you are possessed by the tangible, that's your Dybuuk." But this isn't a diatribe on the middle class. Don't worry, that's coming.

3 days to 32. I have no plans. My friends keep asking me what we're going to do. I have no answer. In fact I wouldn't even know where to start with planning. I have some ideas of what I'd like to do, but who really has time to do the things they say they want to do for themselves? I'm pretty sure I'll be working late and rehearsing scenes on my birthday. Hopefully, I'll get a phone call or two from a couple of my friends and call it a day. I don't mean to sound all depressive or weak or pathetic or the lot. In fact I feel none of those. Controlling one's life to be ever-so-slightly-distant-yet-with-the-appearancy-of-being-warm takes a lot of energy. Ok, fine I'm not that, but sounds fun doesn't it.

Well, here's where I sign off for the night wondering a) if this has made any sense, b) if I come across as a pathetic self-hater (which I am not, damn it!) and, most importantly, c) wondering if anyone even reads this. Now off to feed my neglected cats.

Oh, before I go something mildly poignant: My 30 birthday was spent at a friend's bachelor party in a city I didn't know surrounded by people I didn't know. I drank too much and pretty much ruined any chance I'd have to run for public office. For my 31st birthday a dear friend took up a collection from classmates of mine to send me to a city I kinda know to be with a girl I had only met 2 weeks before at a different friend's wedding - we had hit it off immediately and there was a strong connection. So 32? What's in store? Love? Beauty? A new beginning? Fortune? Fame? The whole package? The real thing? I'll keep you posted.

Credit Cards

2006-06-04T22:02:00.000-07:00

This is going to be a short one. Why? Because I just don't feel like writing a lot.

So here's the thing. I lost my wallet today. Shitty, yes. What drives me crazy is the pseudo customer service people who take their sweet-ass time to read asinine disclaimers to cover the company's ass. One particular card company had a man who was obviously retarded - I got nothing against equal opportunity employment except when it wastes my time. He asked me "where was the card stolen?" I said "it fell out of my pocket between this street and that street." To which he responded, "where was your card stolen?" Unbelievable. Then he asked "Who stole your card?" Right. Correct me if I'm wrong here, but if I knew who stole my card it wouldn't be stolen. If I knew who stole my card I'd still be kicking their ass right now, 4 hours later. It's amazing what can happen when synapses don't quite fire properly. And it's amazing that these are the people in control of your credit cards and whether or not they get canceled. And it is even more amazing that these people have access to your personal information. That may be the scariest of all. I really hope there is some kind of background check on these people and not just an open call for work on Craig's list. "Hey, need a job? Come work for such and such credit card company!"

Oy.

Turns out the wallet was picked up by a bunch of punk kids who called in an order to a local sushi restaurant and had it delivered to a bench outside a church down the street from the restaurant. How do I know this? Because I went to said sushi restaurant to ask if they had any recollection of the asshole who stole my wallet and they showed me the delivery order and the address. Now, I'm no tough guy, but I made my way over to that church to kick someone's ass. Too bad I was an hour and a half late. for the ass whooping. Luck them. I don't know what I would have done if they were sitting there munching on tuna rolls and miso soup.

Well, that's it for now. I'm going to call Coach and request they make a wallet with a chain on it. I doubt that will go over well, but, hey its worth a try. There are a lot of really rich kids who think they're all that and a bag of chips who'd definitely go for the quality craftsmanship of fine leather work with the old school charm of the Hell's Angels.

Crap. Now I have to wait a week for a new ATM card. How much does that suck?

What's real and what's imagined...

2006-05-26T23:49:00.000-07:00

Have you ever... Don't you just love that statement? Have you ever been loved? Have you ever been kissed? Have you ever found money on the street? Have you ever thought you were so God awful that you were surprised people stood for you when the show was over? OK, that last one may not include all of you. But you get the drift. In the end we're not going to take a walk down nostalgia lane. No. Instead we're going to talk about "feeling." The dreaded F-word. Because "have you ever" always leads us into feeling land and feeling land always leads us into trouble.

Feelings direct us to go after the girl... or in most cases feelings direct us to not go for the girl. Feelings run how we think we are in social settings and dictate how we then beat the hell out of ourselves in the privacy of our own home later that evening. Feelings run us into safe decisions much like a strong current runs a boat into the shoals. Feelings will talk you out of taking the chance that will change your life forever. Feelings leave you sitting at home on your couch watching TV and your life go by instead of going to the restaurant to meet up with the girl who so obviously was into you and wanted you to meet up with her even though she just met you. Ah, feelings.

So, what do we do with these feelings? Good questions. The best answer would be to ignore them. But how? How? How, indeed.

Anthony Hopkins once said that he drank to quiet the voices that told him he'd never be as good as Guilgood. Then he quit drinking. Upon hearing that someone asked him, "what do you do now to quiet the voices?" He said, and I quote, "I turn to them and tell them to piss of!" Those voices are our everyday feelings. Those voices we all have. And anyone who says they don't have those voices is a lying sack of shit and should be summarily shot.

Perhaps a little extreme? I don't think so. People run by feelings are left in a static and safe world. That world will never produce a great piece of art. Do you really think Picasso or Rembrandt or Pollock or Stravinsky were run by their feelings? Beethoven? Yeah, he was run by that little middle class voice telling him to keep quiet and not do anything to disrupt the neighbors. Sure he was.

Now, if these guys - these regular men like you and me - could do it, then why can't we? There's nothing extraordinary about them except they tapped their talent. And, in the case of Pollock, forgot to take his medication. There is real genius is all o us. Including the guy who's still sitting on his couch and watching his life go by. His genius is wasted. Wasted in the battery acid corrosiveness of feelings.

Why do I feel the need to bring this up? Because I learn every time I perform in my show that if I were to be run by how I felt then I would be a miserable curmudgeon with no friends and would, no doubt, be hastening myself to an early grave... or at least a perforated ulcer. I think I'm terrible. But it doesn't matter what I think. It doesn't matter what I feel. What matters is the effect I have on the audience and the experience they have. That is my gift to them. And to cloud that gift with the bullshit of my feelings is to say "fuck you for liking what I did!" What? I decided to be an actor to make my self feel comfortable? Yeah, no. I don't think so.

Take this from me. What you think of yourself and what you feel of yourself doesn't matter. In fact, it gets in the way. Just do. And continue to do. The more you do the closer you'll be to what you want. Uh huh. That's right. Actions speak louder than feelings and feelings cloud the result of your life's work. So say it with me and say it loud "FUCK YOUR FEELINGS!"

And if you're lucky, the dream being stifled by the fear associated with taking a chance will spring forward with great power and you'll actually be happy. God forbid happiness.

Well, guess what? Happiness is a by product of achievement. So achieve little grasshopper. Go forth and conquer.

sitting in my hallway

2006-05-24T18:27:00.000-07:00

As my roommate edits a classmate's demo reel I have found myself sitting in my hallway in order to have some semblance of peace to write this entry. A long overdue entry.

I think today is the birthday of a college classmate of mine. At least that's what Plaxo tells me. If I didn't have electronic devices to remind me of birthdays and anniversaries and God knows what else I'd no doubt walk around in a constant state of ignorance. And not the kind that creates a sense of bliss. Ignorance is an interesting topic. Do we really believe that there is a state of ignorance or is it that those who appear to be ignorant are just stupid? Or fully aware and unwilling to act? My teacher says you are unable to handle that which you are unable to see. So, we live with the alcoholic for 25 years and then one day he or she gets hit by a car when driving home from the bar and we say "I never knew s/he drank so much." Or you see that battered wife who lives next door and you know that one day the mad man she lives with is going to go too far, yet she only sees the good in him. An unwillingness to confront. Confront is hard. It means there is a responsibility that must be taken and who in America really wants to take responsibility for their actions? Not too many.

I'm not the overly political kind. I don't really want to get involved - an unwillingness that I am fully aware of - but someone please tell me how the great God fearing masses of people living in the greater contiguous United States cannot see what is going on around them. In the last 6 or so years we Americans have become hated by just about everyone and we Americans have garnered statistics worthy of third world countries. Who wants to talk about the educational ratings of our children and our children's schools? Anyone? Oh, and who wants to talk about the government that openly spies on its people, takes away their freedoms and plays God with the rest of the world; the gas prices going up so fast that being able to own a car will no longer be viable for the majority of people living here with no end in sight for the rise. At what price will the American people finally say that's enough? $4 a gallon? $6 a gallon? $12.50 a gallon? 'Cause I hate to say it, but if the oil companies have their way the cost will continue to rise. There is no stopping it as long as their buddies are running the show. And, ladies and gentlemen, their buddies are running the show.

That's what's been done in the last 6 years. The last 6 years. Think about it. What's been done cannot be undone so easily. It will take a man or woman far greater than is willing to run for office to solve our situation. And why? Because they don't hold up to the scrutiny of slander and background checks, the smear tactics that will be engaged upon and the unfortunate task of having to rebuild and the necessary, but unlikely, need to apologize for our actions.

But what would happen if there is someone willing to do that? Would we, the great God fearing masses, be sentient enough to vote for them? Would we be able bodied enough to look past the foibles of their past? Well, I hope so. We tried to crucify Clinton for having sex, but we rallied behind Bush for war. Violence is always more appealing than sex. We chided and mocked Clinton for smoking pot, but we conveniently forgot that Bush was a cocaine addict. Double standards. What would happen if the best person for the job came 'round? Would we know it? Would we be willing to take the stand necessary to, and I repeat, apologize for our imperialism? I hope so.

I truly believe in my heart of hearts that there is a way to make a change. I truly believe that there are people out there with the sole purpose of creating a better place to live. We need to seek them out and support them. For if we don't the world will get darker, hotter and, inevitably, barren of all that is light and good. We are well on our way to an apocalypse of biblical proportions. Anyone want to get off this crazy thing? I think when presented with the opportunity we'd prefer to get off, but only - I repeat ONLY - if we are willing to open our eyes and confront what is in front of us. Not tomorrow. Not later. Not next week. Not when someone else chooses to go first. Now. Do something for another and not for yourself. That's how you make the change. Small actions that lead to bigger actions.

So, while I sit here in my hall with my cats lounging around me, my roommate in the other room editing someone else's reel and the rest of the world living their lives in quiet desperation I hope that someone reads this and says "I think there is a possibility for change." Maybe you'll become a Scientologist. Maybe you'll seek out your local Boys and Girls club and sign on to be a mentor. Maybe you'll seek out a soup kitchen and volunteer. Maybe you'll look into something you have prejudice about and seek to learn something new. Maybe you'll wake up just a little bit and see that you are not powerless and that you have the ability to effect that which goes on around you.

Change is possible. Are you willing?

So, while my computer hums ever so slightly and tells me I'm late for a design job or acting class or the audition that will change my life I have to reflect on the fact that everything comes down to me and what choices I make. Know this: if you don't take an action and you remain passive you are in agreement with it and condoning it - whatever the "it" may be.

Do something to shock yourself. Do something for someone else. Do something to change your world. Do something today.

Ode to the middle of the night

2006-05-16T02:46:00.000-07:00

It's late. About four hours ago I was distracted from watching the tivoed grey's anatomy season finale by choppers overhead. the persistant wurring of the rotars and the follow light passing over my house made me wonder. "Again with the criminals in my neighborhood?" that's right, I said again.

The first night i moved in here a guy got arrested on my street. He was just walking down the road bathed in a pool of searing white light - the kind that almost looks blue. And then, as if devinely directed, two police cars silently screamed up to the side of the road and out of the first car shot two police officers, very angry gun-toting. boy, oh boy. I sure did feel safe.

Now since then, up until tonight, it has been onyl the constant wurring of ghetto birds disrupting my slumbers, my tv watching, my cooking (rarely at that) and my daily goings on. Yeah, i feel safe.

Oh, and I saw an ex of mine on tv tonight and she looked really good. damn. It would have been easier if she didn't, but she did. Such is life.

So my ode to the middle of the night is this:

darkness fall, but lay thy self carefully
distrub not the slumbering masses
for when we see that you are not who you say you are
we know that the end is near.

What begins shall end
what ends will inevitably begin
only without the persistent ticking the clock cannot join
the unceremonious march to the bathing bright white light.

remember to lock your doors 'cause the next guy rounding the corner may not be bearing gifts that you want to partake in. Or maybe you do, I don't know what turns you on.

Turn ons. There's one to talk about.

Again it's 3 am. I am not sleeping. why should I. that just means i have to get up in the morning and face my day. Man, I really don't want to have to face my day. That means i have to take resposibility and create something. Which I will do. i secretly look forward to it. Don't tell anyone. Not that anyone's reading this.

So I do it for me – much like masterbation. But I still do it for me.

The truth is...

2006-05-14T20:12:00.000-07:00

I have no idea. I'm an actor. Yes. I live in Los Angeles and I'm an actor. Get over it. And I'm one of the rare ones, a working actor. Watch me on the season finale of CSI and in the show The Tenth Man at the Skylight Theatre. OK, enough with the shameless self-promotion.

Here's the thing. If you're a banker and you do a good job you know it right away because you sell something and your revenue goes up. Sure, there are long term situations that don't yield right away, but for the most part - I'm going to go out on a limb here - gratification is rather immediate. If you do poorly, you'll know it right away because you'll no doubt be sacked if the poorness continues.

Almost to my point: An actor is the product as well as the one dealing with the success or failure of the product. Or, you might say, he is the vacuum and the vacuum cleaner salesman; The CEO, CFO, marketing department, et al all the way down to the janitor – 'cause no one's cleaning up after him so he might as well be cleaning up after himself.

Now my point: Today I did a show, a show I am quite good in - not my assessment exclusively, I got that from the audience as well. Yet, while doing it I thought I was more like a steaming pile of turd until the last moment. The last moment I know was good. George Lucas said as long as the thing starts well and ends well you can get away with just about anything in between. At least I think George Lucas said that. Who cares really, my view of my performance was not that of the audience and I need to get over it. Who cares what I think. No one. It doesn't matter. What matters is the effect I had, you had, he had, she had, who-the-fuck-ever had on the audience. That's where the money’s at. People cried. I affected them. I'm good. People didn't cry. I didn't affect them. I'm bad. Not exactly, but that is what seems to go on in this neurotic Jew's head.

And... scene. So what's the lessen? If there is a lessen? The truth is as elusive as a snow cone in Death Valley. You know it’s there, but fuck me if I can find it.

Talent is what talent does. I don’t care how talented you are or aren’t. If you don’t do something with it then you might as well not have it. If you have it, flaunt it. If you flaunt it than right on.

I seem to have moved on away from my point – not that there really was one to begin with. This is a blog. And, more specifically, it’s my blog so you really are getting the incoherent ramblings of, something.

I leave you with a line from a song, a song by Glen Phillips:
We moved to LA, it’s just a regular city dropped from a great height.

Next week, or tomorrow or even later today we’ll be taking up the concept of community and what it means to… uh… well... me.

I assure you, at some point these will make sense and you’ll think “wow, he’s got a strong view point on that” or “wow, what a horses ass” or “wow, I never thought of it just that way” or “damn this guy deserves his own series so he’s too busy to pollute the internet with his banal pontificating on the state of tree growth in the great North West.” OK that last one you won’t think. But I can bring in an expert who will do the pontificating for me.

Take care sweet angels and realize that life isn’t as bad as we think it is. That’s just us complicating it for the sake of complicating it and thinking that’s the way it’s supposed to be. Breathe and you’ll feel a lot better. But if you’re going to be breathing for prolonged stretches, you might want to get a surgical mask.

this is just the beginning

2006-05-14T13:18:00.000-07:00

Well, here we are. What will follow will no doubt be written sometime between 1 and 4 am and will no doubt be dealing with my views on politics, religion, current affiars, the middle east, and what I had for lunch – or didn't have for lunch depending on the day. What sets this blog aside from others is the simple fact I am completely unifmormed and pretty much all I know is what I hear from my friends and what I see on TV. So, with that said, enjoy the intricate workings of my mind and be prepared to have my view point presented in a rambling manner much like the acid trip you never had – or did have and wished you didn't.

And please forgive the spelling errors. That's just the way it goes.

IT'S MOTHER'S DAY – Hallmark's way of saying call your mom and buy our crap. So, call your mom and buy fun cards that have old wrinkly women on them doing funny things and being obnoxious.